Weekly Updates

Girl alone at Bar

There is something about going to bars alone that satisfies me on a cellular level. This bar is empty. I walk in and ask the bartender what I should get because I don’t know any of the beers on the list. I pick a table in front of the TV. The Mariners game is on which just feels fated because I’ve decided that I’m going to try and keep up with baseball this season. He gives me an order of fries and I start jotting down blog ideas. My friend arrives an hour later. We go see 1984 at a little theatre down the street.

There’s something that should bother 45 about being compared to Hitler or 1984. Sometimes the only thing that gives me any peace of mind is knowing how shit will go down. I make sure to write about it in my journal just in case.

We joke about getting a cabin in the middle of nowhere in case this all goes south, except it’s not a joke.

I’m reading again, it’s happening!

Are you into books & movies & television? Follow me @sloughavenue on Twitter, Instagram, and WordPress! Recent favorites include the graphic novel The Sculptor, which I read in one sitting, and The End of Everything which I also read in one sitting. Equally enjoyable was The Wonder and The Grownup. I’m all about the dark and twisty so if you’re looking for something that makes you feel good about humanity, you’ve got the wrong girl. (Which reminds me, I still need to see 13 Reasons Why. 

New posts are being masticated

Om nom nom. On the schedule(!!) our three year anniversary of cohabiting and our four year anniversary of dating! Each will get their own special little post. Have a question about living together (and/or) dating that you’d like us to answer? Let me know!

Don’t miss the latest posts on the blog!

How do I feel about “once a cheater always a cheater”?
Masturbation is healthy! Five reasons why!
No sex for FOUR WEEKS! On week three. Details inside.
My Summer TO-DO! Quite the to-do.
What does being unfaithful mean? What does it feel like? Readers chime in!
My LEEP Experience! Little cervix bits floating in jars, etc etc.

What I’ve been up to

Eating delicious things::

Loving on plants::

Hanging out in the sunshine::

Yeah, that’s my thumb. I’m embracing the imperfections.

xx st

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Disassociation, but a pleasant one.

A year ago my friends would have told me I had too many blogs. In fact, I had a small problem with creating blogs. Every couple of weeks I would come up with the best new idea ever for a blog and I would create a page, leaving it doomed to sit with one post for all eternity. Still, I was convinced that this was an important and worthy idea that simply became abandoned for the beast that is suggestivetongue.

I kept creating new blogs because I felt like I couldn’t do all of my writing here. To be true, I can’t, and I don’t. If I posted all of the things I wrote about, this blog would be a mammoth, character profiles, stream of consciousness, advice and sex talk, too-much-information personal stories, long drawn out theories about my experiences and my friendships, reflections on television and film, a book club, a coffee drinkers almanac, a drunken blur of beer recommendations, and a place where I posted photos of scones before I devoured them in a buttery whirlwind.

I feel like I am so many different parts of myself. Here we have compartmentalized just a few facets of that person. A little bit of sexuality. Some love, relationships, the littlest bit of health and psychology. But I am exploding outwards with everything else I have to say. Why do the number of Jeeps that play loud rap music increase tenfold when its sunny out? And, on that note, where does a Jeep go in the winter? What about baby strollers? Are there off road snow-tires for the baby stroller? Why don’t I ever see babies in the winter? Have I just not been looking? What makes a pizza crust so perfectly crunchy and soft on the inside? Could I have an experimental bake-off? When will fall hit? The leaves dropping all at once like, me, exhausted, throwing my sweater on the floor.

Today it was so hot I curled up to take a nap and the sun reached through the window with its barbs and sucked my moisture right out. I woke up dizzy and confused and disassociated wondering just what nutrients my body was lacking to maintain its composure. What would help me now? I am a sponge and if I get a little wet by god, I might just absorb everything around me.

Not quite so absorbent as when I was a kid, sticky and plastic, now I’m becoming myself. Mmm, that’s a thought. Becoming yourself. I thought of that the other day and my limbs felt harder and more present than they had before. I looked at my hand and thought I had earned these freckles. I had earned these scars. These arms have been with me 25 years, these same arms. That caused another round of disassociation, but a pleasant one.

My friends write blogs about other things in their life and I think I want to write about that too like a greedy child raising their hand call on me call on me call on me! I want to unzip myself and step out, unzip myself and step out, see the matryoshka doll inside.

I want to be all the parts of myself all at once and don’t know how.

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Wild Girl: Being Alone With Menstruation

The book for April was Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I had no one reason for choosing this book as the book for April. It had been on my reading list for a while. I knew Strayed lived in Portland. It seemed like a fun story to break up previous reading choices. And, of course, she read as a strong woman.

I’d tried to start this book once or twice before but much like watching an anticipated feature film, I couldn’t just sit and read it in small chunks. I had to devour it all at once, letting the images and character grow in my mind with full color.

As I read I couldn’t help myself, the question that I kept coming back to is, what the hell would I do about my period if I was out hiking hundreds of miles?

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I had never considered how a woman might deal with her period when she’s hiking hundreds of miles. As it turns out, it’s a big duh. The Diva Cup is a popular solution for a lot of lady hikers. The diva cup is inserted inside your vagina and acts as a cup to catch blood. It only needs to be emptied at the least twice a day. You clean it and insert it back in – no garbage. Some said that they went about their business as usual, carrying a separate bag to keep tampons and trash. I read one woman who said she brought a pair of underwear just so she could use pads. Ooof.

I was also struck by how people reacted to a woman hiking alone. Though she didn’t experience any serious trouble out on the road, people were constantly surprised that a woman would be hiking by herself. Another example of how women must always be on guard as to their safety, but also as to their perceived safety. She may have been safe that whole time, but there were periods throughout the book where she did not feel safe.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book.

“I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me.”

“I made it the mantra of those days; when I paused before yet another series of switchbacks or skidded down knee-jarring slopes, when patches of flesh peeled off my feet along with my socks, when I lay alone and lonely in my tent at night I asked, often out loud: Who is tougher than me? The answer was always the same, and even when I knew absolutely there was no way on this earth that it was true, I said it anyway: No one.”

“It seemed to me the way it must feel to people who cut themselves on purpose. Not pretty, but clean. Not good, but void of regret. I was trying to heal. Trying to get the bad out of my system so I could be good again. To cure me of myself.”

If you read the book, what did you think of it? 

The book for May is Loose Girl by Kerry Cohen. I powered through this book, but it might be a little heavy for some. I would suggest reading the Amazon review and summery prior to picking up a copy.  I am really enjoying it so far and would recommend you pick up a copy before the end of the month if it sounds like something you’d like to read.

Products to check out:

Diva Cup $39.99
Moon Cup $39.00
Keeper Cup $39.00
Soft Cup ~$10.00 for a pack (Soft cups are not meant for continuous use like the above)

Guest Post: Diva Cup Vs. Soft Cup

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What I’m Reading (Cool People to Follow)

the black portlanders is an awesome project by Intisar Abioto. The website consists of photographs and stories of black people from Portland. I remember when I took a black feminism/womanism class and I was the minority as a white woman in the course. It shocked me to realize how few black women I saw every day. There is a lot of racism in Portland. Though we view ourselves as diverse, warm, and accepting, it is still very, very white.

On a similar note, the lovely Brianna takes on humans of portland. If you’re not from Portland and want to get a closer glimpse of the cool people who live here, this is another great site to follow. It’s a daily reminder that the people you walk past every day have complex and important stories to tell and it’s important to stop and say hello. (Or, you know, at least remember the world doesn’t revolve around you.)

six common misconceptions about polyamory I love that this article pulls new ideas about polyamory to consider. Polyamory isn’t about eliminating jealousy – I love this one! People in poly relationships often get asked “But don’t you get jealous?” Some people confront this jealousy and use their poly relationship to learn to work through jealous feelings.

labia plasty, when douchebags attack by the beautiful kind. I always get infuriated by these posts because it reminds me that there are women out there who think they need to change this part of themselves. If your partner doesn’t like how you look, they aren’t the right partner for you.

coming out as a drama llama katie writes about coming out as a drama llama and our problem with drama in relationships. How do you find the balance between expressing yourself and your emotions and wanting to not feel or appear like you’re causing a fuss? This is a huge problem for women who are taught to minimize emotions and not take up much space. I have never considered myself a dramatic person. Sometimes I find it uncomfortable to express stressful emotions or to rant with friends because I don’t want to appear to be dramatic. I think it’s good to have people in your life that you can be dramatic with who will understand what you’re saying and let you express it.

Book Club Update: I’m still in the midst of February’s book (see sidebar) but have decided to bump down my postings about it to monthly reviews instead of weekly updates. I’ll announce the book for March soon so anyone who wants to read along with me can pick up a copy!

Have a blog you’ve been reading lately that you’ve really enjoyed? Share it in the comments!

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Science of Sex & Mystery Box

This week I went to go see OMSI After Dark’s Science of Sex. OMSI is a science museum in Portland that offers rotating exhibits, and a monthly “21 and over” evening event. It was a lot of fun, with all kinds of exhibits, shows, performances, and things to play around with. (If you’re near Portland, there is a “Guilty Pleasures” event later this year which sounds equally entertaining.)

My favorite part of the evening was getting to hear my first Mystery Box show. This is a local series in Portland that I’ve been meaning to get to for quite some time. Storytellers stand up and speak to the crowd like friends, telling stories about sex and sexuality. It inspired me, as a lot of things have lately, to write about my own experiences. I thought of all of the exciting things that I have experienced in just the past few years and how much fun they would be to share in a storytelling format. (More about this… again, soon!)

It was interesting to see the crowds reaction. Laughter, giggling, gasping, oh my god, wow! Long silences, quiet room. I kept thinking of how many people could relate to her story, and how many people must be learning from her story. Stories connect us, they teach us about one another. They expand our reality.

If you have a chance to go to one of these shows, I’d recommend it, from what little I’ve seen so far. Check out the website mysteryboxshow.com for more information.

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