How do you define virginity?

While I plan on throwing this in the paper I’m writing, I thought some of you might be interested in seeing the breakdown of my virginity poll.

57% of the responders believe that your virginity means you haven’t had sexual intercourse of any kind
31% of the responders believe that your virginity means you haven’t had vaginal sex
9% of the responders believer that virginity does not actually exist
2% of the responders believe that your virginity means you don’t masturbate, have sex, or watch porn

I’m a firm believer that giving meaning to the word virginity is damaging for women. When you think of virginity typically you think of purity and typically you think of women. Things like hymens and vaginas and not being penetrated. What about the men? What about their stereotypes? Regardless of how you define virginity I hope that it doesn’t make you feel like less of a person or more of a person depending if you are/aren’t one. Because something like that (your sex life or lack there of) should never define you.

And, for the record, there is no official definition for the word “virginity”… we are the ones that give it meaning depending on our own perception of the word and our own perception of what purity is. And that, I suppose, is why I find the word so damaging. Because we all perceive things differently, and to give a word with no definition some meaning gives us all the more reason to judge others.

At least no one voted “you’re a virgin if you have your hymen still”… thank god for that.

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male breast cancer

How common is breast cancer in men?

The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2009 about 1,910 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed among men in the United States. Breast cancer is about 100 times less common among men than among women. (

While we mainly think of women having breasts, men do indeed have them as well. Breast cancer is less common in men because their breast duct cells are (obviously) less developed than women’s breast duct cells.

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I’m a stranger to myself

My room is littered with cotton balls, sex toys, and makeup I’ve never worn before. My hair is wet and my shirt has a hole right where my right nipple is. I’m wearing shorts made for people who don’t like wearing shorts. They’re the same length as my underwear except I could wear these out of the house because they’re called something different.

Are you a grown-up today?

My friends text me and I slide my phone casually open, glance at the letters and symbols, and slide it back shut. My pinky finger hurts. I’m not sure if I would ever know if it were broken or not because it’s just so small. Two in the pink, one in the stink. Shocker. I like to rock her. I need a pinky cast. Too much foolin’ around.

The notebook on my bed has scribbles from where I’ve tested my large collection of pens. Under that are important details about the next six months of my life.

Rent. Paid for. Utilities. Electricity. Heat. Waiting. Studio. Bedroom. Vacancies. No Vacancies.

When I was little I used to pretend I was a spy. Today they call that “writing in shorthand”… everything is ruined for me, even refrigerator boxes.

I was thinking last night of things that are clever. Typically these thoughts come to me in that state where you are technically asleep but technically not asleep. I suppose I was lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming of things from the past that meant so much to me then and so little to me now.

Like how the moss grows in between the cracks in the sidewalks. Carpet walkways for the bugs. How I would grind up chalk dust, add water to it, and make chalk all over again. I never snorted anything. I’ve never even had milk come out my nose.

When I was little sex was something that existed in an alternate universe. My friend held two barbies together and tried to explain where babies came from. She rubbed them together and I grimaced. Not because I thought it was disgusting but because I had no idea what the fuck she was doing to my dolls and that seemed like the appropriate face to make.

Nail polish remover. Facts about how to fix cars I’ll never know. Books I’ve never read. On my safety file cabinet is a street map. Bike lanes. How to get around. How to get here, how to get there, places I’ll never go.

You’ve never done enough, you’ve got to do more! What do you do all day- Lorelei?

I tell people my name and they hold their hand out and say, glad to meet you, lora-lee.

No, Lora-lie.


My friends call me Lo.


I shake their hand.

The next day I go back and their face doesn’t light up in recognition. I try to explain. I was here yesterday. Remember? We talked. We shook hands. They smile and say they remember but I know they don’t. I call myself Claude at starbucks. They call my name. I sip an americano thoughtfully, tasting the burnt beans and the acidic flavor run down my throat into my stomach. It grumbles. I grumble back.

I’m a stranger to myself, drinking a strangers drink.

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abortion ban

As many of you know, I’m pro-choice. I don’t think having an abortion is an easy or a particularly healthy decision, but nevertheless, that’s where I stand. I was reading something interesting today on that spiked my interest and I thought would be worth sharing with you guys.

Nicaragua has a ban against abortion, including what they call “therapeutic” abortion, or abortion when the mothers health seems to be at risk. According to this article 33 girls/women have already died from complications this year in turn from the 20 last year. I have no doubt that this number will rise.

I have no questions to ask, no insight to provide, I just thought I’d share this bit of information with you to keep everyone else informed who didn’t know. None of us can say for sure what will happen if abortions were banned or made legal. All we can do is watch what is happening around us and take the best steps possible considering.

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19, f

Is it possible to get pimples on the labia minora? During certain times of my cycle I get breakouts on my face, and it’s not uncommon for a stray one or two to appear in the neither region. However, this is a new location that has me a little concerned. There’s only one – it is small and feels like a very tiny bead under my skin. It is about the time this kind of thing happens, but like I said, it’s the location that has me on guard. Should I be worried?

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It is possible to get pimple-like things down there. My advice would be to hold a hot compress (a hot washcloth) on the area once or twice a day. Don’t try to pop it or pick at it because that could create some kind of infection. If it doesn’t go away or if it gets worse I would seek medical attention immediately. If it’s something like that which requires attention asap your doctor should be able to get you in whenever you want. I would also get an STI screening done, but I’ll get to more of that in the second part of your question.

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Is a thick, white discharge just at the opening of the vagina bad? I have normal discharge, except for right at the opening where it just kind of gathers and doesn’t really go anywhere. I never noticed if it was like that before, but I didn’t pay much attention before (no sex=no worry about STIs, so I didn’t!). I am paranoid about STIs at the moment… new (my first) partner who looks clean, says he’s clean, but I don’t know when he was last tested or anything, so anytime something is just slightly out of order, I’m VERY wary.
Thanks for your input.

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A thick white discharge is normal. Typically if it’s very thick it will just sort of linger inside the vagina or barely work it’s way out. The type (thickness, amount, etc) of discharge you get will vary depending on the point you are at in your cycle. The only thing you should worry about is if it smells abnormally bad or if it has the consistency of cottage cheese. Or, of course, if it’s green or some other strange color.

As far as STI’s go, I would say that both you and your partner should go get tested before doing anything together. It’s just the safest way to go, since if he has had sex before you he really cannot say for sure that he is clean unless he has been tested. Some STI’s hide and you might not know you have them. And- for you- you could have been born with something. It’s rare, but it’s possible. The safest thing to do is get tested before you become sexually active and before each new sexual partner.

Good luck!

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