This has been the driest December in Portland for quite some time and it has left me feeling ripped between Fall and Spring. How was your Christmas? This was my best holiday season since I’ve moved to Portland. Full of celebration, cheer, good tidings, joy, all those things that build up over the year with great anticipation. I’m tip-typing from my new iPad keyboard which is the best accessory I’ve gotten for my gadgets spare the indispensable portable charging device. I’m sitting at a little cafe in Portland on the bustling 23rd avenue, packed full of boutiques and tea parlors, girls with curled hair and knee high boots parading around with their Christmas winnings. I like it here, but they don’t have wifi, so this post comes from the past.
I know I promised a gift guide, and there was no gift guide. Truth be told, I’ve completely avoided my blog for the past couple of weeks. As of this writing I still haven’t logged on to my email or my inbox to see what sort of questions await. I’ve developed a love/hate relationship with my blog as it rests on the precipice of “what will be.” I don’t believe that the New Year is the start of all things, but I also believe that in retrospect we view our lives through the years. In that respect, 2013 was big for me. There were all kinds of changes. And I suspect that 2014 is going to be even bigger. The theme for 2013 was “self-respect.” The theme for 2014 is going to be “acceptance.” I have all kinds of goals for the new year, things I’d like to implement into my daily life. What about you? Do you have a new direction? Goals? Resolutions?
So, anyways, I’m sitting in the window of this cafe and a woman just passed by through the street carrying a bag with the word “LUSH” written across it. (Lush is awesome, look it up!) It reminded me of something else I wanted to talk about.
The other day I was reading a-friend-of-a-friends Facebook. Isn’t it irritating how all these strangers keep popping up in your feeds? The update was something to the effect of: You can’t dress like a slut and then complain that you can’t find a good man.
I had a Peter Griffin moment. It makes me so angry that other women put other women down like this under the guise of “helpful advice” or a “reality check” or even worse “im better than you and thats why I dont have those problems or act that way.” It further perpetuates rape culture (she deserved it because she was wearin’ her rapin’ clothes!) and it puts all kinds of expectations on women based on what they decided to wear that day.
Does this mean that women who dress more sexy are less good and does it mean that all girls who dress conservatively are better or more deserving? Does this mean if I put on my dress pants and spend my days writing about sexuality under the guise of homemaker that a man on a white horse is going to come upon me, hoist me up, and say “Gee, we must have missed you on our first go-around!”
The problem isn’t women and what they wear, its assuming that women who dress a certain way or behave a certain way are worth less as human beings or as potential partners. Its the associations we make, blindly, when we look at someone. The assumptions that prevent us from connecting to people. The things that prevent us from caring.
Certainly you should look for people who are similarly minded to yourself. You should seek out those who you are attracted to. But no good ever came from putting someone else down for being different than you, or for choosing to express themselves in different ways. We’re all trying to find our way.
Acceptance has already been a big theme in my life. Not necessarily clicking with everyone you meet or liking everyone you meet but understanding the wide variety of personalities that are out there and appreciating them and the uniqueness of all people. My goal for 2014 is to find that same acceptance for myself. Its not something I expect to hit completely until my 30s (that complete comfort, I suppose) but I’d like to at least reach a moderate level of ownership over myself. I think that would be great.
Let me know how you’re doing. Leave a comment, check in, and tell me about your goals, hopes, and dreams. What do you want 2014 to be the year of?