The most asked question on my blog is “how can I ask my wife to peg me?” Without a doubt, once every couple of months, someone asks me this question. Actually, they phrase it “how can I get my wife to peg me?” which implies “how can I convince my wife to do something without having an open conversation about my desires?” As if one day ones wife comes home with a strap-on and says “I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS, BEND OVER” with zero discussion. (This is a super awkward post to be writing in public when the people next to me can definitely see my screen.) This is not the way you want to be pegged. Maybe it’s less work this way. If your wife just brings it up serendipitously. But it’s pretty unlikely. That’s why you need to advocate for yourself and your interests.
Discussing sexual preferences before you enter into a relationship is really important. You want to date someone who is interested in doing the same things you’re interested in doing. Sometimes you don’t always know what you’re interested in, so exploring on your own can be a big help. You don’t want to spill the whole bag of cats on the first date, so figure out what is important to you, and how you can clearly articulate that to someone. Are you dominant? Are you submissive? Do you like kink? Are you more vanilla – do you prefer quiet, intimate sex? Do you dislike exploring? Are you happy with the way things are? Are you super open-minded? Do you like expanding your boundaries over time? Find someone who seems somewhat aligned with you. If it’s comfortable, bring up some of your preferences more specifically at the start.
Humans are complex and they change. What you thought, felt, and experienced at the start of your relationship might change over time. After a couple of years you might want to try something new that you’d never wanted to try before. You might not be interested in the same kinks. You might shift your preferences temporarily or even permanently. Expressing a new fantasy to a partner who knows you well can feel kind of uncomfortable. Even if this is the person you tell everything to. A new fantasy, or a kinky fantasy, might feel a little bit like you’re rocking the boat. You might wonder what bringing up this fantasy will do to your relationship. If they know I want to get pegged, will they think of me the same way? What if I tell them this fantasy and they say no? Can I be happy if I don’t have this experience?
I advise that you take these conversations slowly over time. For some partners, the answer might be a resounding “yes, I’d love to try that thing!” For others, they may feel discomfort, fear, uneasiness, or confusion. Especially for something like pegging, which many women are not familiar with. Discuss your interest in whatever thing you’re interested in trying, and provide your partner with information about what it is and how to do it. Explain how much you want to try it and allow them a good amount of time to think it over and look it up on their own. If possible, find a compromise or a baby step towards that thing. Pegging, for instance, could start with small toys, instead of a full strap-on. A full on sub/dom relationship could start with spanking or handcuffs. If you’re really in a long term relationship, you can imagine there’s time to explore, if your partner is open to the process.
If it is a new relationship and your partner has zero interest in exploring and you feel that this experience is critical to your sexual satisfaction, I feel that’s really important to know early on. It may play a role in whether or not you decide to stay in that relationship. To the most recent person who asked me this question, I hope this helped. Open communication and honesty with your partner can go a long way. Be patient, and consider the details of your specific relationship as you explore this together. Good luck!
Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit at www.suggestivetongue.com/ask and I’ll answer it on my blog.