On Questioning Our Feminist Intent

Q: I crossdress and I am planning to eventually transition, MTF. The issue is money. I have heard women can earn extra cash selling their underwear online. I don’t know if it actually is a good money making idea but ethically speaking, do or should I tell the guys I’m still male? Not sure on this point, but if I can earn more income, does it matter? Or am I glorifying women’s bodies (even if it’s my body) to be objectified by creepy men? Why does it feel like I’m being a traitor to womenhood?

Saying that being a woman is complicated is an understatement. There are so many messages women get on the right way to be, think, feel. Even from other feminists. I really enjoy the book Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. If you haven’t read it yet, or if you’re not familiar, I highly recommend you check it out. The general idea is that there is no such thing as the perfect feminist. All women are imperfectly perfect.

I would also check out Kate Bornstein who you should wiki if you do not know her. Here are a few suggested reads from her writings:

A Queer and Pleasant Danger
Gender Outlaw
My New Gender Workbook

Bottom line: Follow your gut and your instincts. If something does not feel right, don’t do it. But I don’t think you’re under any obligations to not do it, either. If it doesn’t make you feel good, if you feel unsafe doing it, I would advise not to do it.

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How Do You Arrange a Heterosexual MMF Threesome?

Q: How do you go about having a 3some? With 1 girl, 2 straight guys

I like this question because a lot of conversation tends to focus on the two girl / one guy threesome.

My advice for having a successful threesome is very simple: you cannot expect perfection; learn to seek adventure and fun between the lines of what you imagine perfect sex to be and the actual experience you’re having. Expectations for an experience can often ruin that experience. Prepare as best as you can for shared goals, general compatibility and safety.

One common issue in threesomes is that three is an odd number.

That means that one person is often left to be the circling participant. They are either watching or meandering around the outside of the action. That’s perfectly okay if they are aware of that, prefer that, or are comfortable making their way back in.

Another common way to handle this balance is by making one person the center of attention.

In a two straight guy one girl threesome, it’s likely that the attention is focused on the girl.

There is some difference of opinion on how to arrange a threesome. Should it be people you’re really close to and comfortable with? Should it be people who you’re just kind of friends with? Should it be people you don’t know very well and don’t see again? Different people are going to have different opinions on this. How you form your threesome depends on what part of the threesome you are, and whether or not you’re in a relationship.

Each participant matters (!)

Generally I would go into the planning process with the understanding that everyone in the threesome is sharing an experience, so everyones experience matters. So, if you’re planning the threesome, take everyones feelings into consideration.

One size doesn’t fit all 

Because threesomes vary so much, it’s difficult to give advice that’s one size fits all. Are you in a relationship and looking to plan a threesome? Are you single and looking to have a threesome? where in the world do you live? What is your age range? Do you feel like you’re generally surrounded by pretty sex-positive friends? Are you in a pretty sex-positive community? Are you looking for a one-time threesome? Do you want to really plan it out to hopefully achieve a certain scenario or are you looking for something more laid back and relaxed with no agenda?

Think about these questions and how they apply to you and if you have additional questions on the subject, let me know, and we’ll talk more!

xxst

 

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Q: New Partner Struggles with Erections?

I’m a 31 year old female who had been seeing a guy for a few months. The relationship has been fairly happy with some minor bumps in the road. He’s 29 and I’m his very first girlfriend. Sounds weird, I know. My problem is, we’ve been intimate several times with less than spectacular results. Being his first partner, I thought he’d have little trouble becoming erect and/or climaxing. I have been with several virgins in the past. I sadly have an extensive sexual past. I have no trouble getting him hard, it’s getting him to stay there us the trouble. Also, when we give up on intercourse and ultimately settle on separated masturbation, he gets super close but can’t finish. I have no trouble finishing whatsoever. Dont know if this is relevant but we are both overweight. Please help because my libido is incredibly high and I’m getting tired of my own hand.

It’s often the case with new partners. Sometimes you orgasm too quickly, sometimes you orgasm too slowly. It’s an extra curveball when your new partner is also new to sex, period.

My best guess is that he’s just nervous.

I don’t mean that he’s necessarily actively feeling nervous. When we’re not totally in-the-zone during sex, it can be difficult to get and stay aroused. If he’s not used to the flow of sex, being naked with someone else, or fooling around in general, he may be struggling to stay in the right mindset to stay that maximum level of arousal. Once you struggle to stay hard once, that fear that it will happen again can be self-fulfilling.

For me, the answer rests within this question: when he masturbates by himself is he able to orgasm fairly easily?

If yes, there’s something holding him back when you’re together. Maybe he is anxious or stressed or nervous or maybe he just hasn’t quite found his groove yet. I’d remove any pressure to have intercourse and I’d remove any pressure to actually orgasm. Take a step back and just be naked together and explore what does or doesn’t feel good. It may even help to encourage him not to orgasm, and rather see how many orgasms he can give you prior to his own.

That puts the attention back on you, gives him something positive to focus on, and likely results in a relaxed atmosphere that is more conducive to orgasm.

It could also be that there’s something you two are doing together that is mentally or physically turning him off. Maybe the thing doesn’t feel good, and he’s unable to communicate clearly that it doesn’t feel good. You’ll have to consider this and see if you can pinpoint how clear your communication has been thus far. Of course, sometimes people also have very specific fetishes or kinks, and if he’s been living 29 years in the head of those fetishes/kinks it might be an adjustment having actual real physical sex without those things. Have you brought up kinks or fetishes yet? He could have one very specific thing he’s doing when he gets himself off that he’s not doing when he’s with you. Whether it’s a kink, or the way he plays with himself.

Finally, and I don’t know if this is what you meant by sad, but I hope you know there’s no shame in having a lot of partners. All of that experience can make you a great fit with this new partner. While it’s possible to have weight-related issues in the bedroom, from what you described, I wouldn’t jump to that as the root cause. Knock it back a few steps and start over, more slowly. Whether you’ve been dating for a few weeks or a few years, it’s never too late to get to know each other all over again.

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Thinking About Gender Identity in Dating

I am new to dating as a closeted CD.planning on eventually transitioning MTF, and an interesting guy is communicating with me, online dating. I like men, but he’s dated other cd/tg and cd himself. Not sure how I feel about that, I like masculine men, here’s his last message: “Ooohhh the dating questions!! 😄😄 well, I am open right now and hope I can find a serious LTR. And in terms of dating history I have dated some women, but mostly TSs, TVs and CDs since I was a teenager, in fact, I have done (and still do regularly) some CDing myself with bad to mild results at best LOL! Logest relationship I had was with a pre-op TS that took me to live at her house (with her 2 brothers, sister, nephew, brother in law and mom) and for 2+ years we were a big happy family. So, what about you?” Should I give him a chance? I feel like a hypocrite, but fear STDs with his attraction to cd/ TG peopleand his sexual attraction to CD himself. Does this make any sense? I guess I want a masculine man without the urge to cd himself. I don’t want to be a fetish. my gender feelings are not related to clothing. I am making a moutnain out of a molehill?

Go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel quite right, you shouldn’t force it to fit. Do you feel the heart flutter? Are you attracted to him? If no, life is short, on to the next one!

If you are into him and he does seem to be legit, try coming to him with these concerns. Ask him about his sexual health history and how often he gets tested. Be clear about what kind of person and relationship you’re looking for. He’s already given you a little bit of that himself and it can be an ongoing and evolving (over the span of months, or years!) conversation. Express your concerns for being fetishized. Does your experience and your gender identity play a role into why or how he’s attracted to you? That might be one thing. But does it feel like it’s all he sees – and all he thinks about? That’s another thing entirely.

If you think you feel a little something for him, you should give it the opportunity to flesh itself out a bit more. I don’t think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill – you have every right to be specific in what you’re looking for, and you deserve to be loved and respected as an complex human being with many facets.

Dating is hard, and dating when you’re flourishing in your identity and sense of self is even more difficult. Stay true to who you are and what you want and make sure to have fun in the process.


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Can You Lessen That Jealous Feeling?

Hi Lorelei, I’m a female in a longterm, serious, 7 year relationship with my boyfriend. Throughout our relationship he has never had a close female friendship up until this past year. I have also never experienced real jealously within our relationship until their friendship became close. My boyfriend is incredibly loyal, honest, and faithful, and I know any jealous feelings I experience is my own thing, and nothing to do with his intent or actions. They hang out alone regularly, typically at bars. I have always been clued in on every aspect of their friendship, and have tagged along with them a few times, when my work schedule permits. His female friend respects our relationship and we genuinely like each other, but the friendship between my boyfriend and her is close, whereas her and I are not close friends. I know their relationship is fully platonic but I still experience frequent, small surges of jealously. When I have these feelings of jealously they are very short lived, and I am typically able to be rational and counter my irrational feelings. For example, when they tell each other “I love you,” I’ll remind myself its completely in a platonic context, even though it feels icky to know they say that to each other. What makes me feel uneasy is the level of an emotional bond they share, although I know my boyfriend’s emotional attachment to me, and what he shares with me, is certainly more and different than what he experiences with her. 
I recently told my boyfriend that I have been experiencing jealously of his relationship with his friend, although this is something I have kept mostly to myself, because I know my feelings are irrational. But I thought he should know how I was feeling, as he would want to know. He started by saying something to confirm my irrationality, insinuating that they weren’t that close. He also mentioned that I only feel this way because she was female and it shouldn’t matter about her gender, which I agree. I then said “I think what makes me feel jealous is that you guys have an intimate relationship.” And he responded “Well yeah, you’re not always fully present when we’re talking.” This really hurt, him insinuating an emotional need was being met by her that I wasn’t meeting. As hurtful as this was to hear, it is now something I can work on. My boyfriend has had several close male friends screw him over in the past, as he gives his all to his friendships, as he understands the value of close friendships, but his past friends have not. Overall, despite my jealously, I am happy he has her as a friend (which I’ve told him), because she reciprocates the value of their friendship unlike his male friendships of the past. I was hoping from some input from you on how to lessen these feelings of jealously, because although I can mostly talk them down, I’m tired of experiencing these feelings so frequently. If I know rationally and truly that there’s nothing to be concerned with their friendship, why can’t I stop experiencing these feelings so often? Unfortunately I can’t talk to my best friend about this for her support because she is more jealous of a person than I am, and would likely not allow, for lack of a better term, her husband to ever have a close female friend. So I don’t think she could give me objective feedback and would likely make me more anxious and jealous than actually help. Is jealously a feeling you can lesson its frequency?

You said “I know” throughout your question quite a few times, and I think it’s important:

  • I know any jealous feelings I experience is my own thing
  • I know their relationship is fully platonic
  • I know my boyfriend’s emotional attachment to me
  • I know rationally and truly that there’s nothing to be concerned with their friendship

I’m not sure you know these things, reader. I think you are looking for relief in them. Your boyfriend isn’t just insinuating that his emotional needs are being met elsewhere. He’s spelling it out for you by saying that “you are not fully present” and (so) he’s seeking out that emotional support elsewhere.

It’s a poor excuse to minimize your very real feelings of concern here. When we lack something in our relationship, when our emotional needs aren’t being fully met, we should come to our partners and find ways to meet those needs together. I think what you’re doing, and what others may try to excuse, is the fact that in monogamous relationships it’s perfectly acceptable and important to have good, strong friendships. Even friendships that satisfy some emotional needs that your relationship doesn’t fulfill. But it should be fairly clear when that friendship crosses the line and it seems to me like this one did a while ago.

He might not even fully recognize this himself, but I’d trust your instinct. If he’s going to her for emotional support and telling her that he loves her and you’re feeling a distance in your relationship, that’s not okay. He should validate your concerns. I would hazard a guess that there is an emotional bond forming there in place of him doing the hard work of repairing whatever it is that has prevented him from being able to talk to you. Instead of confronting that, he’s putting it on you. You’re not always fully present relieves any responsibility on him to share those difficult feelings.

It’s hard to tell our partners difficult things. Often times that moment slips by when we first feel it. She’s not as attentive as she used to be, but that’s okay. She’s a little distant lately, but that’s okay. She doesn’t seem to care as much as she used to, but that’s okay. Then we normalize. We weren’t getting exactly what we needed but it feels normal now. Maybe he needed something specific and it felt too late to explain to you what exactly that was. Maybe he didn’t even know what it was. Maybe he said hello one night to his friend and she said exactly the one thing he’d been waiting to hear and it just felt like applying a cold pack to a hot burn. And so he went back again, and again, and again, looking for that relief, because it was easier than figuring out why he couldn’t talk to you anymore.

In ethically non-monogamous relationships we might go deeper into themes of compersion. Compersion is sometimes referred to as the opposite of jealousy. A warm, happy feeling you get when your partner is happy even if you aren’t the one making them happy. It’s seeing your partner with their other girlfriend and feeling contented that they are in love with someone else because it makes them happy. A lot of people in non-monogamous relationships strive for this feeling of compersion because they, like you, realistically understand that jealousy is a normal emotion. They want to move past that jealousy and seek peace. That’s not always realistic, and in monogamous relationships, the bonds that are acceptable are different than the bonds in non-monogamous relationships.

Finally I’d consider (and this is also often a topic in ethical non-monogamy) the possibility that he’s experiencing some NRE (New Relationship Energy.) Sex & Love writers talk a lot about how NRE is experienced in romantic relationships. Sometimes it’s experienced in new friendships too. It’s that burst of energy and excitement you feel when you meet someone new and you really really click with them. It’s that feeling in the honeymoon period, that rush of hormones, that feel-good feeling. If your partner is feeling that with this girl, romantically or otherwise, it could be pulling his attention away from you.

Maybe he really is just friends with her. Maybe she just gives him a little extra of whatever he’s missing right now. Maybe it’s not romantic in nature. Maybe their love is platonic. But the way it’s making you feel, and his flippant reaction that makes you feel to blame, isn’t okay.

Move the conversation away from his friend and the jealousy you feel. These are symptoms of something bigger. It’s time to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about how your relationship is changing and how you can get back on the same page again.


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Sex Advice in One Sentence

In which I try to answer reddit questions by just looking at the post title: 

Q: The Hookup culture, is it really this ‘unsafe’ or have I just met the wrong people?
A: You’ve just met the wrong people.

Q: Does seasonal transition (ex: summer to fall) impact how sexually attracted you are to people?
A: There’s just something about a man in a knit sweater.

Q: Should I tell my boyfriend he makes me wet
A: Tell him it’s discharge.

Q: What makes a girl good at sex?
A: Masturbation

Q: Ladies, what do you say when a guy doesn’t finish you off?
A: You’re fucking-kidding me.

Q: Should I take another STD test? (M/25)
A: If you have to ask, yes.

Q: An old friend (30F) and her boyfriend (27M) asked my wife (32F) and I (31M) if we wanted to couple-swap. We don’t really, but want to be good friends anyways. How do we handle this?
A: Say “No thanks, but we hope you find what you’re looking for and we’re honored you thought of us!”

Q: I (m22) want to get my partner (f21) a fishnet bodystocking but we’re unsure about the best way to do it.
A: The internet.

Q: Absorbing semen in the colon
A: The name of my next science fiction novel is “Anal Baby”

Have a question about sex or love? Submit now I’ll answer it on my blog. In more than one sentence, too! 

 

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How To Move On From A Kissing Affair

Please help! my 50+ year old husband had a “kissing affair” with a bar tramp over two years ago. I was gone for weeks at a time taking care of my dying father, then my elderly mother. I am an only child, so it was all my responsibility. As a result, he had a “friend” that got him to go to a bar everyday after work. Yes, hubby had a choice, but his alcoholic friend needed an enabler and a ride home everyday… he had gotten a DUI a few years before and never got a license again. Anyway, long story short, he met this bar tramp who worked there and she began preying on him – yes he allowed it, but she knew exactly what she was doing!!!! She is the poster child for “daddy issues” and sociopath because I was later told she had done it many times before AND she bragged about it!!

I know it didn’t go any further because I overheard a conversation with a best buddy of his (that he shares everything with) and he said that he thanked God everyday that he never “f’d” her… his exact words. He said she was just some cheap easy tramp who paid attention to him at the time and that she was absolutely unattractive and I saw her picture.. she is!

The minute I found out I stopped it and forbade him to ever have contact again! Her numbers were blocked, he comes home everyday after work, has never been to any other bars and has done EVERYTHING right to make up for it. He read all of the christian books about infidelity, owns his mistake, and NEVER once blamed me! He said he was a weak, selfish bastard and will regret it forever and I know he still lives with the guilt. He has told me many times how sick it makes him when he can still see the pain he caused me. And since we’ve been together for 26 years, I know him well enough to know he’s truthful.

So, the only problem I have now is that I just can’t stand the thought of him kissing me now! I’ve become hyper sexual since then, and I’m 57 years old now! Also, since then, he’s had trouble getting erections at times. I resent the hell out of that! but beyond that, I gag at the thought of letting him stick his tongue down my throat now, knowing he was in her nasty mouth with God knows what in it! I want to move on because kissing is supposed to be more intimate than sex but the triggers make me want to vomit!

HOW can I erase the triggers and move on? This is the ONLY issue I still live with and your advice would mean so much. God bless you, your service is to be commended!

When someone is unfaithful the first thing I always ask myself is why were they unfaithful?

An explanation for infidelity is not an excuse for infidelity. Based on only what you’ve given me here, I would anticipate that perhaps your husband struggled with the illness in your family and your absence during that time quite a bit. It’s possible that he didn’t have an outlet for support. Does he have one now? I think that’s important because he should focus on growing and evolving from the mistake that he made. If he doesn’t grow from the mistake, it will make it more difficult for you to grow from it as a couple.

I believe that you’ve forgiven him and trust him but I’m not sure that you’ve let it go. And that’s a hard thing to do. Maybe it’s not something you should do. Letting it go and finding ways to move on are different things.

That kiss can be something that made you stronger, or it can be the thing that made you never enjoy kissing your husband again.

I would advise that you go see a therapist if you’re not already. Intimacy, once damaged, takes work to regain. I don’t think there’s one right answer. You may need to find new or renewed intimacy with your husband. You may need to seek forgiveness to the other woman who was likely struggling deeply in her own life to do this with married men. You may need to question your own values and feelings about intimacy, and kissing. You may just need more time.

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Should You Take My Advice?

What is advice?

Advice is a recommendation about what someone should do based on a set amount of information.

When I give advice I combine (1) my knowledge about a situation with (2) filtered through my own bias and (2) the information given to me about that situation.

It’s really difficult to give advice without imparting your own bias! That’s because your bias impacts how you see the entire world. My goal for every post is to try and think about the situation outside of what I would do, and think about what that person could do or what would be healthiest to do.

How does advice work?
  1. Give the advice-giver as much information as you can about your situation and what you’re looking to receive from the advice. Include as much information as you’re comfortable with and any information you think might be relevant.
  2. When you read the advice, remember that it’s going to be biased, and based only on the information you’ve given the advice-giver.
  3. Take that advice into consideration. Ask someone else for advice. Remember that it’s just one person’s advice.

When asking for advice, the advice-asker usually has some idea of what they want to do.

SHOULD YOU TAKE MY ADVICE?

I don’t believe you should take advice. Advice isn’t a guidebook, advice is a set of suggestions. When someone gives advice they aren’t fully aware of the entire situation.

Advice may create a visceral reaction. There may be an instinctive pull towards one answer or the other.

The advice-asker might think this advice is wrong or this advice was helpful. Either way, the advice has done the job by assisting in strengthening your intuition or guiding you towards a more appropriate response.

The benefit of asking for advice often

If you’ve ever been on an advice message board, you might have noticed that a lot of people asking for advice have let their situation advance quite a bit.  For example, if they are in a relationship that is unhappy, they’ve likely been unhappy for a long time before asking for advice. A lot of the time people only ask for advice after they’ve already made up their mind about a a particular situation.

They know what they should do or they know what feels right or wrong, but they want someone to give them permission to say out loud how they feel.

It can be scary asking for advice before you need it because it forces you to confront and work through issues you’re having in your life. 

Asking for advice frequently can be useful if you remember that advice is not a set of guidelines. Use advice (or therapy, or counseling) to help guide you towards making better decisions that are all. yours. Confronting issues like this often and with heart can make you stronger, wiser, and happier.

Do you need advice about sex or love? Submit now at [Ask Suggestive] and I’ll answer on my blog. 

 

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r/relationships advice, condensed

Welcome to r/relationships advice, condensed. Where I give advice based on the title of r/relationships submissions without actually reading the submission!

Q: Am I [19 M] being crazy to stop seeing her [20 F] because I feel like another option?

A: You’re not crazy! Just because someone is a good fit for you doesn’t mean they are the best fit, or the only fit.

Q: My childhood friend and SO (30s) just adopted their SIXTH cat

A: This isn’t a question, but congratulations, I’m sure they’re very happy.

Q: Is it ok for me [F/28] to initiate the “exclusivity/what are we” talk with him [M/28] via text?

A: It’s best to avoid having milestone conversations by text. Meet in person. If you have any thoughts that didn’t get fully processed, you can send him a little email or text message after the fact.

Q: I (25F) hurt my grieving boyfriend (24M) and I’m at a loss for what to do now

A: It’s hard to know how to help a partner who is grieving. It’s okay that you made a mistake. Just do better next time.

Q: I [28f] have lost several relationships by blowing up and verbally lashing out in anger. Those who have had this problem, what did you do to fix it?

A: I haven’t had issues with anger but we can all empathize with ongoing, negative patterns. Talk to a therapist and see how you can change these negative ways of communicating with your partner.

Q: I’m [39 M] living with my girlfriend [38 F] of 17 months, with her Husband[39 M] living in the basement. Should I move?

A: You should start your own sitcom and pitch it to Fox.

Q: Can a 32 year old guy date a 21 year old woman?

A: Certainly.

Q: I (M/35) can’t help but feel like I’ve settled for my wife (f/27) and it’s ruining our relationship.

A: Figure out where the settling feeling is coming from. It may have more to do with you and your feelings about yourself and what your life should look like than what your wife is or isn’t doing.

Q: Me [24f] with my friend/fwb [25M] of 6 years, should I ask him out or continue to act like I care less than I do?

A: Don’t live the lie anymore. Take the risk of asking for what you want and know for certain if he feels the same way.

Do you need advice? (I’ll read the whole thing, I swear!) Submit now at Ask Suggestive.

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Erectile Dysfunction Junction

Do you have any advice for coping when your partner suffers from low libido and erectile dysfunction? This was a communicated issue from the beginning of our relationship, but as work and other life issues have become more stressful his interest in sex has become non-existent. We haven’t had any sexual interaction in almost 2 months. It has left me feeling unloved and undesired but also a bit resentful as he’s not willing to see a doctor. The rest of our relationship is great but I miss the physical aspect of it. Do you have any suggestions?

There are a lot of reasons why someone may experience difficulty getting and staying erect. My assumption based on your post is that his low libido and his erectile dysfunction are connected and likely one in the same. It’s easy to jump to medicalization. Men are taught to connect a lot of their masculinity and their identity to their power, their sexuality, their penis. If their penis doesn’t work the way they want it to, it’s easier to discount that as a dysfunction – something that is outside of their control.

In many cases, low libido and the ability to get or stay hard are things that can be diagnosed at home, without going to see a doctor. My first question is always “what has changed?” and you answered this in your question. Work and other life issues have become more stressful. It’s impacting his ability to get in the zone (low libido) which influences what his penis is doing.

There are a lot of things that can influence libido and make it hard to get and stay erect. Life changes, life stress, depression, and medication are all super common reasons whys someone may not be able to put on their once predictable level of performance. Not to oversimplify this, but when the libido goes, it can be a huge shock to the system for anyone. Especially if your sexuality is deeply rooted in your identity.

It sounds like your partner knew that stress impacted his interest in sex and warned you ahead of time that this may come up. It sounds like your partner needs to find some ways to relax and detach from the stresses of his work and his life so that he can find the mental space for sex again. If he is depressed, medication may help, but medication could also further deplete his interest in sex. Having someone to talk to about the stress of work (a therapist) might help. Working together to find ways to wind down at the end of the day might also be of some help.

It’s hard to sit by and feel helpless when your partner is having a rough go of it. Your struggle as their partner is equally valid. Try to work together to find ways where your needs can be met in other ways. There are a lot of ways to be physically intimate that don’t require his penis to be hard. Exploring some of these options can help you feel more fulfilled, and may even boost his libido when he least expects it.

Massages, cuddling, naked cuddling, using sex toys together, masturbating, oral sex, fingering, dirty talk, pornography, or literotica. Having him be more attentive in other ways may fill some of the gaps.  Have him take a moment and chat with you at the end of the day with no distractions, go away on a short vacation together to re-connect, have a meal out or cook a meal together, read books together, play video games together, do some of the things you used to do together at the start of your relationship. Discuss ways where you can both initiate these things so it’s not all on him or all on you.

Finally, look at the issue you’re having holistically. I’m not saying going to see a doctor would be a bad thing, or that it wouldn’t help, but make sure that if he’s seeing a doctor he’s also considering the other things in his life that may be contributing to his libido that can’t be eased with the wonders of science. You’ll both be better off for putting in that thought, and that work, together. Good luck, and I hope this gets harder soon.

Have questions about sex or love? Submit at Ask Suggestive and I’ll answer it on my blog! Goal for this week: When your partner is going through a rough time, what is one thing that really makes them feel appreciated? We so often think of what we would want in moments of crisis, but this isn’t always the same as what our partner would want in a moment of crisis. Discuss care packages with your partner and how they can combine both emotional and tangible assistance as you work through difficult times together. 

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