Thinking About Gender Identity in Dating

I am new to dating as a closeted CD.planning on eventually transitioning MTF, and an interesting guy is communicating with me, online dating. I like men, but he’s dated other cd/tg and cd himself. Not sure how I feel about that, I like masculine men, here’s his last message: “Ooohhh the dating questions!! 😄😄 well, I am open right now and hope I can find a serious LTR. And in terms of dating history I have dated some women, but mostly TSs, TVs and CDs since I was a teenager, in fact, I have done (and still do regularly) some CDing myself with bad to mild results at best LOL! Logest relationship I had was with a pre-op TS that took me to live at her house (with her 2 brothers, sister, nephew, brother in law and mom) and for 2+ years we were a big happy family. So, what about you?” Should I give him a chance? I feel like a hypocrite, but fear STDs with his attraction to cd/ TG peopleand his sexual attraction to CD himself. Does this make any sense? I guess I want a masculine man without the urge to cd himself. I don’t want to be a fetish. my gender feelings are not related to clothing. I am making a moutnain out of a molehill?

Go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel quite right, you shouldn’t force it to fit. Do you feel the heart flutter? Are you attracted to him? If no, life is short, on to the next one!

If you are into him and he does seem to be legit, try coming to him with these concerns. Ask him about his sexual health history and how often he gets tested. Be clear about what kind of person and relationship you’re looking for. He’s already given you a little bit of that himself and it can be an ongoing and evolving (over the span of months, or years!) conversation. Express your concerns for being fetishized. Does your experience and your gender identity play a role into why or how he’s attracted to you? That might be one thing. But does it feel like it’s all he sees – and all he thinks about? That’s another thing entirely.

If you think you feel a little something for him, you should give it the opportunity to flesh itself out a bit more. I don’t think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill – you have every right to be specific in what you’re looking for, and you deserve to be loved and respected as an complex human being with many facets.

Dating is hard, and dating when you’re flourishing in your identity and sense of self is even more difficult. Stay true to who you are and what you want and make sure to have fun in the process.


Need advice? Submit now!

You may also like

Leave a Reply