How to Cope With The Existential Dread of Monday

Monday is crap, but let’s be real, so is Tuesday.

I’m always zonked after Monday but then Tuesday rolls around like Monday-Again, reminding us that we haven’t even made it to the middle of the week. I can be one of those people that jumps out of bed Monday morning ready to take on the week. But that’s a learned response to the complete existential dread I feel when I don’t actively try to be excited that the weekend is over.

Always have a routine that get’s you excited

I usually get myself a latte on Monday morning but really just remembering that I can drink coffee again is enough to get me out of bed. If it’s a really bad week I’ll get a butter croissant too.

By Monday my clothes are usually all washed and clean so I get to wear my favorite outfit, too. You know, the one that’s usually the first thing you go for after you do your laundry. Then it’s dirty again and ffs why don’t you buy more than one if you like it so much.

Finish your shower with uncomfortably cold water

I read this in a book once and it was probably written as a joke but now I can’t stop doing it. When you shower, keep the water on as cool as you can. Apparently it prevents your skin and hair from drying out, but it also helps wake you up a bit. Then when you’re about to step out, turn the hot water all the way off, and dunk your head for as long as you can stand. On days when I actually follow through with this last part my hair is shiny and manageable.

It also gives you a nice boost of adrenaline.

Find sexy underwear that is also comfortable

Especially on days where you have to wear a suit or some other business professional clothes. No one’s going to know that you’re wearing a hot red silk thong, but you will. You will. 

In addition, I like wearing one other thing that reconnects me to the reality that one day the work day will be over. A ring I can spin on my finger. A necklace I can grasp onto and fiddle with. Or a watch, to look at periodically, wondering how time works differently here.

Don’t wear any makeup

Instead of putting on makeup this Monday, wash your face, apply a nice skin purifying mask, douse yourself with toner and slab on a thick layer of moisturizer. A bit of eye cream will go a long way for the dark circles (although you should permit yourself just a little concealer if it’s really bad.)

The more days I go makeup-free during the week, the better my skin looks. The better my skin looks, the better makeup does apply on days I decide to wear it. Go makeup free and spend the day drinking lots of extra water. You’ll even get that nice “god, I can rub my eyes and nothing happens” moment.

Clean your home before the weekend ends

There’s nothing better than waking up Monday morning to a clean house. It makes you feel like you finally did something right with your life. Everything is where it should be, you can walk around without stepping on anything, it just feels good. This, in contrast, to the feeling when you wake up on Monday to beer bottles everywhere, the smell of slightly stale pizza, and strangers clothes heaped over your couch that they forgot in a drunken stumble. You’re dehydrated, your mouth tastes bad because you forgot to brush your teeth, oh god.

If you don’t have time for a full weekend clean, at least give yourself an hour before bed to get your life in order. Future-you says thanks.

Make a list of what you have to do

Yep, any time I make a list, “make a list” is on the list. So make a list of what you have to do every Monday morning, and go over it. Now that I need to know what’s going on for several different projects (personal and professional) I’ve been using Wunderlist to keep track of what I have to do and when. It’s really helpful to set up recurring tasks. Now every Monday I can see what horror awaits me that week. And, well, it’s slightly reassuring.

Have a question about sex, life, love? Submit now!

You may also like

Leave a Reply