How To Deal With Flowback

The Optimist

I’ll close my legs and just lay here for a while, bonding with my partner. It will seep into the walls of my vaginal canal / up my cervix and won’t be an issue.

The Realist

I’m going to stand up and it’s going to go everywhere and if I had any fucks to give I literally just gave them all.

The Polite Waddle

I’ll cross my legs and slowly roll off the bed onto the floor, making sure that no fluids escape. Then I’ll carefully stand up and wiggle my way to the nearest box of tissues.

The Picasso

Stick fingers in vagina. Smear across your partners chest in a creative gesture.

The Simba

Stick fingers in vagina. Smear across your partners face.

The Sleep N’ Dry

Fall asleep and wake up eight hours later when you realize your legs are wet and itchy.

The Sleep N’ Dry UTI

See above, with consequences.

The Gentleman

You don’t have time to think about what you’re going to do. Your partner already got up and cleaned themselves off in the time it took you to catch your breath. They’ve offered you tissues, a towel, a fresh shirt, a bottle of water, and a standardized survey on how the experience could be improved next time.


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