Learning You Are Capable Through Experience

When you’re a kid, you are capable in part because you don’t know better. Then you enter this nebulous where lesser adults walk around on stilts and Wah Wah at you, afraid of your inevitable pain and hurt. Eventually you relearn that you are, actually, capable. Then, if you have kids, the cycle repeats itself to some degree.

I am at my first ever job that provides health and dental insurance. Tomorrow I get to call the marketplace and tell them that the $100 bill they sent me is no longer applicable. I get to make appointments for massages and acupuncture and chiropractic adjustments and pap smears and birth control and dental cleanings and xrays.

Bye bye, baby

Because I’m changing insurance providers I’m also entering closing sessions with the therapist I’ve been seeing for the last year and a half. It’s eased in part by the fact that I had been ramping down our sessions with my new work schedule. Call it mental health weening lite. If you can work it this way, I’d highly recommend it rather than going cold turkey. Once I go off I’ll start the process of finding someone new.

First six months – weekly appointments

Next six months – bi weekly appointments

Last six months – monthly appointments

Further Introspection

Jason and I have both been focusing a lot on introspection the last year and looking at our own lives and where our own weaknesses and strengths are. It wasn’t something we could completely do for each other, even though we were, technically, doing it together. Now my therapist asks me how I think I have grown in the last year and I have real tangible answers for her. I am better able to articulate my concerns. I am less anxious overall. I put up with less bullshit. I let things go. I embrace negative emotions.

For the first time I can differentiate between “I want to do something” and “I understand how to do it and feel capable.”


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