When were you last unfaithful?

Tonight is the last night to make your submission to my upcoming post about being unfaithful, you can see the original post I wrote about the subject here: Times you have been unfaithful.

Why am I writing about being unfaithful and infidelity?

Every time I go out with friends I inevitably ask them to tell me about a time they were unfaithful to a partner. So far, every single person has had a story to share. (I’m a real gem at parties.) I wrote my thesis on infidelity because I wanted to inspect the stigma around people who are unfaithful to their partners. Media has long engrained the archetypes of bad boy / slutty girl. In my research, most people who were unfaithful to their partners were unfaithful to them in some way that you wouldn’t expect. We shut down discourse about infidelity because we’re afraid to talk openly and honestly about our feelings and why these things happen. When we shut down that discourse, we lose out on an opportunity to learn what being unfaithful looks like and how we can prevent it.

Preventing infidelity is key because infidelity sucks for everyone

The focus of my thesis was the guilt women feel before, during, and after infidelity. In talking with men and the gender queer, I’ve found that those feelings of guilt and disappointment are pretty universal. No one wants to find themselves in a position where they are unfaithful to a person that they care about. We all tell ourselves, and our partners, “I would never be unfaithful to you.” But if that’s true, why are the rates of infidelity so high? Why does it keep happening? We can’t truly prevent infidelity from happening until we learn how and why it happens. If we better understand ourselves and the ways we communicate (or don’t communicate) with our partners, we can confront the sticky issues that lead to infidelity before it happens.

My definition of infidelity is much more flexible than “sleeping with someone else.”

I think that infidelity, the act of being unfaithful, is anything you do that you wouldn’t want to tell your significant other about. That’s because more serious strains of infidelity (like sex, or having a whole second family) often begin with these little moments where you aren’t faithful. The long, emotional, late night conversations you have with someone else. Holding the hand of someone who isn’t your partner. Leaning on someone for primary support that isn’t your partner. Chances are you have a moment at some point in your life where you can recall a moment where you did something that you shouldn’t have done.


 

Submissions are now closed. You can view the finished piece HERE!

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