Are Hormones A Good Enough Excuse?

My girlfriend and I were having a bit of an argument well it just so happens to be that time of month for her. Well she used the hormone excuse and tried to blame her mood on her period. I being just like any male, have no clue what a period does to their partner during that time of month. My question is how much of a change occurs during a females period and is it enough to blame her hormones?

Thanks for reaching out! It has nothing to do with you being male. So many women don’t know what happens during their period, either. I would caution with the language you used in this post, however. The hormone excuse to blame her mood. Women are often expected to be bright and cheerful all the fucking time. Your hormones are an easy tag warning, but it doesn’t mean that those feelings weren’t already there.

It could be the difference between: “I’m sorry I said that, I’m so hormonal, I didn’t mean it” and “I’m sorry I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about what I was going to say before I said it. That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot but it should have been better articulated.”

I like to be nice. I’m plagued with nice. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. When you’re trying to say something difficult to your partner, you want it to come out the best way possible. You care about them and it’s important to be kind. It’s also important to be clear so they hear what you’re saying and they hear the intention being what you’re saying.

But sometimes, when you’re tired, and your hormones are doing wacky things, and you’ve just spent the whole day with period diarrhea, and your lower back hurts, and you’ve got blood clots coming out of your vagina, and you have this weird little migraine, all you want to do is say exactly what you’re thinking exactly the way you’re thinking it. Even if it does sound wrong coming out of your mouth. Even it it can be misinterpreted. Even if it does start an argument.

It’s not a woman thing, it’s not a man thing, it’s just a person thing. Women just get to pull themselves back into the nice box with “it’s just my hormones.” Men, typically, will need to find other reasons for their sensitivity or lack of tact. Maybe a real heteronormative example will help pull that curtain away.

Your name is Dr. Dick Johnson and you’ve just had a very hard day at work. You come home and you’re a little sensitive because you’ve got all of these stress hormones up in your brain meats. Does having a rough day at work mean you’re unable to manage your emotions? Nope. You’re a real adult and you can manage your shit. Does it mean that you may be a little more sensitive than usual? Might you say something to your wife that you later regret because you’re tired and your feet hurt? Maybe so! Sometimes managing your shit isn’t easy! Sometimes you don’t spend just the right amount of time thinking about everything you’re going to say before you say it.

Sometimes you say something, and you have to say “sorry, I’m really hormonal” or “sorry, I’m really stressed out.” I mean, ultimately, don’t these mean the same things? Cortisol is the primary stress hormone, after all.

It sounds dumb, but please go read the wikipedia page on the menstrual cycle. Men and women, everyone, all of you. Stop as things get confusing and look up extra resources online. I do this myself every now and then because there is just a lot to know. Humans are complex beings and women in particular have a lot going on with all those moving bits and pieces. It’s no easy business to make a human. Sometimes, at the end of the day, we let our hormones lead the way in the places we feel most comfortable. With our family, our friends, or partners. These are safe spaces to be ourselves. Sometimes our selves can be a real jerk.

Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit at www.suggestivetongue.com/ask and I’ll answer it on my blog.

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