I’m 26 and I’ve never had an orgasm… I’m a woman and I’ve been in many happy and sexual relationships with men. I just can’t orgasm. I don’t know what to do, am I broken?
FFS, I’m just kidding, never give up!
You’re not broken! There are so many reasons why a woman may struggle to have an orgasm. For your first orgasm, especially. It’s not until you have one orgasm that you know what it feels like, how it builds. The first orgasm can shed an immense amount of light on how to have future orgasms.
Some women struggle having orgasms because of societal pressure to please men. They aren’t demanding orgasms. Women should demand orgasms. If they don’t orgasm during penetrative sex this doesn’t mean that the sex is done. Sex is continuous – before – during – and after penetration. Sometimes sex occurs entirely without penetration. Let’s repeat that. If you’re having sex with a man and he orgasms this does not mean that the sex is over. It simply means that unless he has a very quick reload time that the sex is going to continue in a different way until you orgasm too. If you find penetrative sex to be too stressful, or if you find it difficult to get you off, try having sex with no penetration at all.
Some women struggle having orgasms because of religious upbringing. There is a strong shame attached to sexuality which prevents them from fully exploring their bodies. They may even have restricted access to critical information about their own bodies. That information is hidden from them as if their vagina were the enemy. That mentality can make connecting with your body even harder.
Some women have been through traumatic sexual experiences which make relaxing and releasing more difficult actions for the body to take part in. Some women are shy by nature, introverted, some women are not supremely sexual by nature.
Masturbation is probably the easiest way to orgasm for the first time.
- Get over the mental hill
If you’re touching yourself and you’re not aroused, it’s just going to feel like you’re touching yourself. Like you’re touching your elbow, or your knee, or your thigh, or any other piece of skin. Focus on hitting a good mental space first.
- It’s going to take longer than you think, so just enjoy it
Getting in the right mental state might take longer than you think. Even if you’re in the right mental space, it might take much longer to orgasm than you think it’s going to. (The first time might take just a few minutes but it could take an hour!)
- Use porn or erotica to help get in the right mental state
Porn or erotica can help you get in the right mental state. Just poke around and see what interests you.
- Focus only on clitoral stimulation
The clitoris is where the most nerve endings are packed. Very simply put, that high concentration of nerve endings means more sensitivity which means more arousal. Forget jamming a phallus in and out, find a spot near the clitoris (or find your clitoris) and start there.
- Make your goal to feel good
The number one problem people seem to have is stressing out about their inability to orgasm. Stressing out can prevent the orgasm from happening. What’s the point of orgasming if you aren’t having fun to begin with? Focus on feeling good. If you’re doing it right, you won’t want to orgasm.
- Remember the sensitive bits get even more sensitive
If you are focusing on your clitoris remember that it might become more sensitive as more blood flows to the area. Move your hand away from it if it becomes too sensitive. Rubbing in the general area of your clitoris will still provide indirect stimulation.
- Flex your kegels
This might be a little advanced if you haven’t ever orgasmed, but knowing how to flex your kegel muscles can assist in delaying orgasms, speeding up orgasms, or even having more powerful orgasms. The kegels are what you flex when you are holding in the need to pee.
- Close your eyes
For fucks sake just relax for a minute.
- Blast off
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