When Your Interests Are Met With No

Hi. I am a male but want my wife to peg me treating me as the woman after feminising me – making me wear ladies apparel. But she is averse to the idea of both pegging and feminisation. How to convince her? I want to have anal with my wife and find no pleasure without being feminised and being treated as sub and a woman.

Thank you so much for writing in, this is a really common question on my blog! It is also very interesting because the language is usually the same. How can I convince her? 

You can’t and you shouldn’t convince someone to do something that they have already admitted to not wanting to do. I don’t believe that’s healthy and I don’t necessarily think it leads to a consensual and open-minded sexuality.

It’s also important that you say you find no pleasure without these things. To me, that makes this question one of the upmost importance. My assumption being that your current sexual relationship with your wife is one that is not satisfying.


This is step one. Stop trying to convince your wife. Change your language, and change your game plan. When people message me it usually means they’ve hit a wall and feel like they can’t make any more progress with the discussion. That means your wife is probably really, really irritated, and sick of the conversation. So don’t have it again. Instead, procure some kind of written text on what you’re interested in trying. A book about BDSM is typically where I point people, but you may want to print something specifically from the internet and highlight the relevant bits. Then, in a non-sexualized setting, sit down with your partner. Tell her that you understand her disinterest. Then express the importance of this to you. Tell her you want to see if there is some way you can find compromise together. Then let her know that if she’s interested in having the conversation again, she should come to you.

Then let it rest.


If she never comes back to you and says “oh I thought a lot about it and read what you gave me and I’d like to try a little twist on some of this” then you’re going to have to think about how you can work on this yourself. For instance, you could close your eyes and fantasize certain things when you are with your partner. You could get yourself off in your own time with these specific fantasies and then practice a different type of partnered sexuality.


If I’m being frank, many times people stumble into situations like this and realize it’s more a case of incapability. For many people, sexuality is a lifestyle. Their sexual preference are very important to them. And not having those specific needs met means a deep seeded unhappiness that filters in to other aspects of their lives. It may influence their well-being. It might seem silly to say “if I cannot be feminized then I cannot be happy” but who is to judge what does or does not make you feel whole? Not me. It may be important to consider your relationship as a whole. Given that you are married, I imagine that you’ve been together for a while, and that your relationship has otherwise been happy and fulfilling up until this realization. That may not actually be the case. Give this some time and really think about whether or not you can find ways to experience the satisfaction you’re looking for. If the answer is no, you’ll need to think about what that ‘no’ is going to mean for you.

Do you have a question? Submit at www.suggestivetongue.com/ask and I’ll answer it on my blog.

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    1. Thanks! Discussing fetishes/kink/preferences before marriage is super important, but I agree, sometimes even if you are sexually experienced and determine sexual chemistry before marriage, you discover things about yourself along the way. You have to learn how to roll with the punches and discuss as those things arise.

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