I am a 33 year old woman and have been married for 12 years and my husband just told me a about a year or so ago he wanted to be pegged sometimes it turns me on then others not really. I just want some advice on how to even feel dominant because I am really not I want to please him in every way so I am willing to try whatever but its still a little weird. I am a small girl and his a big guy so it just seems odd to me to be in control because he always has been till now.
Trying new things after twelve years of marriage is awesome. You’re awesome. You’re both awesome. Pegging (a word popularized by Dan Savage) is the act of a woman performing anal sex on a man with a strap-on phallus of some kind. The act of pegging in itself may make your partner feel submissive. No extra fancy setup or scene required. Why?
1 – He’s already in the position of the submissive. Bent over and likely letting you do the work. 2 – He is the one being penetrated. The symbolism of this might be powerful for him. 3 – If it’s an unfamiliar sensation for him, or if he has attached any particular fetish to it, the submission might be partially subconscious. Thinking about what is happening might put him in that state of mind.
It doesn’t matter if you are big or little or even in the room. Submission might simply mean you have some form of authority over your partner.
Why does it turn you on sometimes and not all the time? Because that’s just how things go. Sometimes you want crazy weird sex, sometimes you want soft gentle sex, sometimes you don’t want sex at all. Some things can turn you on if you think about them in the midst of your work day, some things are just so sexy that it feels weird to think about them if you’re not already turned on. For you, pegging might be something that you’re only into sometimes. It might be something you’re not really interested in trying if you’re not aroused first for some other reason. All that seems perfectly normal to me, so don’t try to force the experience if you – he – or both of you aren’t in the mood!
It would also be helpful for you to find something you like about pegging your partner. For him, the experience is submissive. But that does not mean that it must be a dominant experience for you, even if he views you as the dominant. While he is thinking “I am submissive, this is hot” you might be thinking “I am so close and intimate with my partner right now, look how much he trusts me.” Throw away any preconceived notions of what “dom/sub” means and create your own experience within your relationship.
Does something about this experience turn you on? Can you find something about it that does turn you on? Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing you are turning your partner on, and the giving of something they want is all you need to enjoy yourself.
Finally, ask your partner if there is anything else he would like out of the experience. This might come the second or third time you give this a try. For some people the act of pegging is enough. For others, they like their partners to play into the role of the dominant. This might require saying certain things, doing certain things, behaving a certain way. Until you know your partner wants these things, stick to the act itself, and see where it takes you.
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