The Question of Peg

How can I convince my husband to let me use a strap-on to peg him without freaking him out? I’ve never mentioned it to him before and I’m not sure how he will take it. I feel like we need to spice things up and I am turned onto the idea of pegging… At the least trying it. Any thoughts might help Thank you

I believe that it really helps to move the language from one of convincing to one of sharing. When we tackle new subjects in the bedroom it can be easy for them to seem intimidating. Especially if one partner is carrying out more of the work (planning, for instance) than the other. Doing it together makes the experience for both of you from the very start. It makes sure you enter on a level playing field.

Since I don’t know your husband, and because you’ve never mentioned it to him, I’m not sure where we’re starting. It could be that he is in to pegging and doesn’t know how to bring it up with you. Step one is really engaging in that conversation for the first time.

Tell him that you think pegging is really hot and that the idea of pegging him has been on your mind lately. Ask him if that’s something that he would ever consider trying out with you.

If he says yes… start looking into pegging together more actively. Visit an adult store together. Watch porn together. Use Tristan Taormino as a resource – she’s great. Be careful and consider safety. Use lots of lubrication, communicate clearly if something feels good or doesn’t, move slowly and purposefully from the start.

If he says no… ask him if he’d be interested in trying anal play in general. Together you could pick out a small plug, or a set of anal beads to use. These might be less intimidating for him and act as the first few steps towards pegging at a later date.

There are a lot of reasons a man might not be interested in anal play, period. A lot of them are unfortunately reinforced by male culture and sex-negative culture.

It’s gross, he’s not gay, he doesn’t like feeling submissive, it’s taboo, he’s never thought about it and is feeling defensive about being put on the spot, or perhaps he had a bad experience.

These issues all have their own unique solutions that, if you encounter them, might be worth another write in.

I’d recommend just getting the conversation out there and opening yourself up to him. From there you’ll be able to pick out pieces of what the struggles are going to be, if there are going to be any. It is true that some people just aren’t into it and that’s okay. It is better to ask to do the things you’re interested in and get turned down than to hold it in. It’s also possible he’ll be super interested in it. Which – that’s awesome. You advocated for yourself and your kinks and you get to do them!

If he seems iffy about it, don’t press too hard, but continue to explore the idea off and on. It could be that baby steps over time allow him to reconsider his interest in pegging. Many men don’t know that there are nerve endings in their ass that feel good when stimulated, and that prostate stimulation can lead to some super intense (and sometimes multi) orgasms. For some men, the idea of being submissive can also be super sexy once they get in position.

Best of luck, and be sure to report back if you have any more questions, either together or separately.

Have a question about sex or love? Submit at the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog.

 

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