Question: Can I Improve My Drive?

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Question: Short of actual pharmaceuticals, are there foods and drinks that are proven to get the sex drive going? I rarely want sex, and I wish I wanted it more!

Answer: I’m not really one to endorse aphrodisiacs as there is little actual science proving any specific foods (ex: oysters) make you horny. In fact, I would expect that a lot of that kind of thing is just the placebo effect. Eating this thing makes me horny?! Oh, now I’m horny because I expected to be horny! Not to mention all the potential confounds! Are you eating these oysters with a sexy significant other in a dimly lit romantic restaurant? I can advise one thing, but it’s not very exciting, and it’s probably what one might expect.

If you want to help your sex drive, eat healthy, exercise, and get lots of sleep. Balance your stress load by giving yourself time to relax, meditating, and doing things for yourself that keep you calm and happy. Drink lots of water.

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Exercise will help your circulation. You want good blood flow to, you know, get blood flowing. Eating healthy will improve your mood and make you feel more energized which is helpful when it comes to sex. If you eat unhealthy foods or if you don’t eat regularly you’re more likely to be tired or grouchy. And considering how much of your body is made up of water, it’s important to keep well hydrated to make sure your body functions like it should.

I would encourage you to look at your own diet and exercise, your sleep schedule, and how much water you’re consuming. See if there are any ways you can improve those basics before you move on. You know when those scientific articles come out and everyone heaves a big sigh and says “well duh why do they need research to know that eating well/exercising/drinking water is good for you?” Well, one reason is because people know it but they don’t do it. So here’s another little reminder.

Some people have little ups and downs in their sex drive that are natural, especially if you’re in a particularly stressful point in your life or if there’s a lot going on. It’s also normal to have a lower or higher drive than your partner, and it can be easy to judge what is “high” based on how often your partner wants sex. (Ex: You might feel like you have a low sex drive if you want sex a few times a week and your partner wants it several times a day. But you might just have different drives!)

If you really do want to have sex more often and these little tweaks don’t help, I would encourage you to think about the psychological aspect of sexuality a little bit. Are there things you could change in your sex life that would make sex more exciting to you? This may or may not play a part in you wanting sex more often. Sometimes, though, discussing new fantasies with your partner can get that drive kicked back into gear. You can also put an emphasis on foreplay with your partner to heat things up.

Try this:

Lay in bed with one another, even if you are not particularly feeling like sex but know you want to want sex, and just kiss one another. Kiss and touch and play and don’t worry about having sex, just have fun with one another. Sometimes having that open play time can arouse you enough that you want to continue playing and have penetrative sex or oral sex or other types of sex. Sometimes that type of play just rests at kissing and touching and, I think, that’s a great way to build a different type of intimacy with your partner.

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