For the last year the most searched for phrase and the most view post on my site has been about prostate play. This is only second to my posts about pegging (when a man is anally penetrated with a strap on by a female partner.) Here’s the news: men like being stimulated anally. Whether it’s the taboo nature of the act, the real physical pleasure of the nerve stimulation, some role-play kink, or just a sexual fantasy they have yet to live out, anal play is in.
How can we get past the -yuck- factor of anal play? Maybe more important, how can we get past the “This makes me gay!” factor? While most of the men who I interact with on a daily basis are comfortable enough to put something up their bum without questioning their sexual identity, most of the world still associates sexual orientation with sexual expression. That means if you put something in your butt, you’re probably sending off a big gay alarm somewhere in the basement of Heterosexual Monitoring.
Getting Past The Yuck
Try it yourself
Do you remember when you were a little kid and someone told you that adults put penises into vaginas and mushed them together and sometimes make babies? Seriously, gross. Vaginas are weird and smelly and moist and blood and babies and mucus come out of them. I’ll take a pass. If you’re hetero and went on to actually giving ye olde penis in vagina a shot, you probably realized it felt pretty good. It was easy to give it a shot because, well, everything around you and everything inside you is saying go have sex.
The first step in getting past the yuck is actually having the experience for yourself and seeing if it’s actually gross or not. (And if it is, maybe you’ll enjoy it.) Trying it must involve information. Information means knowing what to expect and knowing how to prepare. The preparation for anal sex can help avoid a lot of the “mess” and make the experience more enjoyable.
You can also try anal play in private first. Trying something in private doesn’t mean you’re ashamed of doing it in front of someone else, or with someone else. Sex can and should be experienced solo, too! Touching yourself and just exploring the area and seeing how things feel can make a big difference on the experience you have with a partner. There are lots of mens toys out there for prostate play which can be super-stimulating to use once you get the hang of it.
Here are some prostate toys that I would recommend:
Naughty Boy – $78.00
Rude Boy – $80.00
Bob – $49.00
Getting past the “this makes me gay” factor
Education. Education. Education. It’s important to separate the following words in your vocabulary and learn the difference between the three.
Gender is something you identify as and express yourself as. Though typically male or female (the “gender binary”) you may express somewhere in-between or as neither. Your gender is usually assigned to you at birth based on your sex. Your sex is the biological part of you, your penis, your vagina. Sex can get complicated when we look at intersex people or people who are born with some parts of each sex. Sexuality or Sexual Orientation is how you identify. Some people are straight, some people are gay, some people are bi. There are all kinds of sexual orientations that people feel comfortable describing themselves as. Your gender, sex, and sexual orientation can be any combination of things. Sexuality can also describe the things you enjoy doing in bed. Someone who identifies as homosexual might not enough practicing anal play in their sexuality. Someone who is heterosexual might only enjoy anal play. These things are all on a wibbly-wobbly spectrum. Because it’s so complicated and accepting the black/white “man – penis – heterosexual” image is just a hell of a lot easier, people have a difficult time understanding this. Take your time and read books about gender and sexuality and start to learn more about what it all means.
I’ll be writing more posts about prostate play and anal play for men in the future along with more posts about pegging. I like to focus my posts on what you’re interested in reading about. If you have any questions about this, submit to the top of the page by clicking ask advice.