How often do things go wrong in your own life that leads to these lessons that you share? Are the things you write about mostly things you learn in school or are they personal stories?
Writing a “How to do something” post is greatly a reflection of how many times I’ve fucked up. When I write advice posts I’m not saying that I know how to do everything right or that my life is in perfect order. I wouldn’t confess to communicating perfectly all of the time, being completely honest with myself, or even making the “right” decisions. That’s just a part of being human.
I don’t think that anyone makes the right decisions all the time and I think that making those mistakes is what kick starts the ability to have that reflection and become a better person. Life is not as simple as a ten-steps-to-doing-something-better post. If you see anyone and think they have it all together, they’re just good at putting on a face.
I try to tie in my own personal experiences with what I learn in school because it allows me to reflect more deeply on the experiences that I have and more deeply on the material I study. That’s also why I like answering your questions on here. Everyone has such different experiences in life and each scenario is so unique. No two people go through the same thing. How can we learn from one-anothers fuck ups? How can those stories act as guidance for better choices in the future? How can that all make us stronger?
I’ve done all kinds of things wrong. But I can’t look back on my life and think about those things as a series of regrets. All I can do is reflect on them and grow from them and be a better person because of it.
I think there is a misunderstanding that people who are interested in Psychology study Psychology because they want to use the courses as counseling sessions. (Some students do this.) While I definitely use the lessons in my own life, I think it’s impossible to know this stuff and be great at applying it. The two aren’t necessarily correlated.
Life isn’t clean and tidy. Especially when it comes to sex, sexuality, and relationships. Things are constantly evolving and… so are we. Don’t look at my blog as the result of someone who knows all the answers. For the love of god, don’t assume I get it right all the time. Instead look at it as a way of learning different tools, talking about the mistakes we make, and attempting to do things better next time.
Have you ever made a mistake in your sex life? What about in your love life? Have a big first date failure? What about a sexual experience that made you fend off the sexy times for a spell? How did that not-so-good experience influence what you did in the future?