I’m eating hot wings and talking to my friend about pubic hair. We both think the same. It’s, you know, a woman’s choice what she does to her body. But I think of myself at sixteen. Head hung over Cosmopolitan, direct orders to rip hair-from-pubis, root deep, some unknown shame. I think of all the things I believed so headstrong as though
there were only
Dirty, clean, beautiful, tidy, proper, sexy, messy, old, young.
$65 dollars a month and a strange woman spreads your legs and applies hot wax to your labia majora and rips it out while she asks you about your weekend plans, flip over, spread your ass cheeks apart, warm and numb.
There are some nights where I sit and I look at my schedule and I look at my bank account and I ask myself if I can afford the time and the money to do this to myself. I think of the way it will make me feel. That moment when you leave the salon and you are completely smooth and slightly warm. This few moments where, really, I do love it. Knowing what it’s like to be slightly sea-creature. Slippery and anti-porous.
My friend and I agree that with age has come some better understanding. It happened the first time a man looked at me after I hadn’t shaved for a few weeks. And he said:
You look like
And you wonder what all that fuss has been about. And you stop missing the grow out. The itching. And you stop spending the money. And then, that moment comes for you.
Like a woman.
I am woman. I am me. I am in this body and this body is the body of a woman. And he is looking at me as though I am sexy even though, I think, perhaps I have been told
That the way I am is not right.
There was that day, and it came where I found some in-between from what people told me I ought to look like and what I actually liked to look like.
It is not one or the other. To say pubic hair is feminine makes a statement against an industry that tries to tell women they need to look a certain way. It generates no disregard to women who continue to chose, and love to chose, a lack of hair.
Reasons I didn’t like pubic hair:
- It looks sexier when you have no hair
- It looks cleaner when you have no hair
- It feels cleaner when you have no hair
- You can’t wear sexy lingerie when you have hair
- Sexy lingerie feels weird when you have hair
- The hair gets in the way of having sex
- The hair gets in the way of oral sex
- I don’t like the way the hair feels
- I don’t like the way the hair looks
- I don’t want to be the girl who has hair
Reasons I don’t like pubic hair now:
- Sometimes I just feel like trying something else out.