Is it strange to not really feel a need for sex/masturbation? I’m a girl and I have masturbated occasionally but I have never orgasmed and I’ve never had sex with anyone else either. I mean I think about sex and I think if I was in a relationship (which I never have been) I would want to have sex, but I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I’m just not a sexual person at all. I’m not against sex or masturbation, it’s just not really on my mind or something that I feel is necessary in my life. I don’t think of it as a negative thing, but I just feel like I’m not normal, considering most people seem to masturbate at a somewhat young age and/or have some sort of regular sexual release. I never feel a strong need/want for sex and I wonder if that’s normal or if it will put a damper on my sex life in the future.
You hear the carnival is coming into town. Everyone keeps talking about this fucking carnival and how awesome the rides are. You don’t have anyone to go with but you want to have fun on your own, so you decide to be the master of your destiny and you go on your own. You have high expectations because of all the news stories and the articles and everything your friends have been saying about it. You get there and you get on the rides and you ride around and you’re like, well, this is fun, but it really doesn’t live up to the hype. Then you decide to leave. You tell your friends “that wasn’t very fun, I don’t get it” and they try to tell you that it’s better if you have someone with you, and what? You didn’t get an elephant ear? You have to get the elephant ear if you want to have fun at the carnival!
My exhaustive point is that it is absolutely not strange to not feel the need for something that you’ve never really done or never really enjoyed. You have never orgasmed. That’s like asking someone if they like brownies if all they’ve ever done is baked them, but never tried the product of all their hard work. Can masturbation (and sex, even) be fun without orgasm? Absolutely. But you’re not going to see the full potential of what you’re doing, the end game, the fuss, if you don’t go full circle.
Sex is the same way. It is all consuming. It’s everywhere. But just because you think you should be excited by it doesn’t mean you’re going to be. In fact, even after people learn to orgasm and experience intercourse, desire for sex varies tremendously. Some people are perfectly happy having sex whenever it happens, and others purposefully seek it out because it becomes such a huge part of their life.
The problem with the story above is that not everyone finds the exploration of sexuality to be equally satisfying. Some people may just think it’s an enjoyable addition to their life. Some people may have bad experience after bad experience and struggle to find the good in it. Some people may realize that they have no interest in sex at all. That’s perfectly normal.
Don’t feel bad, you’re still on your own journey. You’re still figuring it out for yourself. Maybe one day you’ll be masturbating and you’ll orgasm and you’ll get it. I remember the first time I made myself cum. I felt like an addict who accidentally punched a whole in the wall and found a life’s supply of drugs. I was like I can feel this way whenever I want now! It was revolutionary. That’s when I, personally, got it. Before then I was just sort of wiggling my fingers around inside myself wondering when something would happen and why everyone made such a big deal about it all.
Give it some time and open yourself up to the idea that you just haven’t clicked on it yet. Keep exploring and trying new things, within your comfort zone. Everyone goes through it at one time or another and I have no doubt that you’ll find your place.