To get back into the swing of things with toys, I have to make a confession. I’ve completely abandoned my collection. They lay in a pile, unused and unloved. Instead of borrowing my AA batteries from my remote to use in my toys, I’ve been borrowing the batteries from my toys to put into my remote. Simply: I’m sick. I lost those lustful feelings. I’ve been uninterested in masturbation lately, mostly because, well, there’s just so much else going on. “I’d just rather cuddle tonight” or “can’t we watch TV?” I hid them under a blanket, these inanimate objects have feelings, I’m sure of it.
I’m not completely void of vibratory pleasures. My magic wand has been all like, engorgio, a flick of the wrist to the clitoris. Granger would be proud. It stays plugged in next to my bed (unadvised, truly) and I attend to it like an addict every so often.
It’s time for an intervention. It’s time to put on my sassy pants and make a date in silicone valley. What’s been happening in Toyland? What new models have been made? What new materials have been crafted? How many trees have been cut down and shaped by hand into ring-around-the-cock? May is Masturbation month. What better time to answer some of these questions?
Here are the top five things on my wishlist right now! Have you tried any of them? What’s on your list this month? Spring is an awesome time to start thinking about toys again, but I’d say that about any season. Onward!
1. Maia Silicone Balls $20.00
I’ve played with these little balls in person and it was like a kid in a toy store. Or a candy store. Aren’t they cute? Just don’t pop them in your mouth. They go somewhere else.
2. Maia Astral Dildo $49.00
I guess this brand has a way with me, because this dildo looks positively adorable. If you’ve never tried anything with ribs, this looks like it could be a good bet.
3. Seduction $160.00
I don’t own any wooden toys (note the price, yowza) but having handled with them in person, I can see the appeal. Much like glass toys they can heat up to the bodies temperature fairly quickly and stay warm with play. They are super silky smooth, though perhaps not the toy for someone who prefers a little give.
4. Kandi Kisses $59.00
I was never too fond of lipstick vibrators, but this little guy would look great in my purse.
5. Lyla 2 $139.00
Remote vibrators are still in, and this one looks rocking. It’s made by LELO, need I say more?