Class in Session: Oral 101

I have never given a blowjob and to be honest im kinda scared too. My boyfriend asked for one and I told him yes, I want to try giving him one, Im ready and wanting to giving him one. I just don’t know how to give one. I know not to use teeth and use lots spit. I want to give him the best blowjob he has ever had. How should I start? Should he be laying down, sitting up, standing? If he thrust his penis in my mouth will I throw up or gag?

I find the very best way to learn anything is to expose yourself to it and to practice, practice, practice. All penises (and those people attached to them) are different. This means they have different preferences. Some like really gentle, some like a more aggressive touch. Some are circumcised and some are uncircumcised. Some like lots of deep throating, some prefer slow, some prefer fast. There are different techniques you can learn – a mashup of using your hands, your mouth, your tongue, your throat.

Just like penetrative sex, start with the basics, and don’t worry about going crazy right at the start. Build from the basics based on what works well, and what your partner seems to like. I believe that you should move progressively through things, gaining more experience, and expanding your sexual portfolio as you go. 

Your first blow job will not be your best blow job because you haven’t had practice. Also, you haven’t had the time to learn what your partner likes. That’s okay. It can still be damn good if you follow a few basic tips. It seems like you know a few of them already.

1. Don’t be too aggressive

Obviously, this includes not using teeth. But it also includes things like handling your partner aggressively. Until you find out what sort of stimulation he likes, stick to light-medium stimulation. Have him communicate what feels best. You can try to grab a little tighter with your hand or create a little more suction with your mouth and see how he responds. Make these changes incrementally. Don’t go from zero to a hundred.

2. Stick to the Stick

Until you know where your partner likes to be stimulated, avoid anal play or toying with their balls. You can be adventurous and lightly try either but don’t be shocked if your partner moves you away or asks you to stop. Not all men like this, or expect it.

3. Keep your mouth moist

If you have issues with keeping your mouth wet, make sure to stay well hydrated throughout the day. If you find that your mouth is getting dry, stop for a moment and get some more saliva going, and then resume. It’s also smart to keep spicy or minty foods out of your mouth prior to going down on your partner.

If you want to get a head start, read some books on oral sex. She Comes First is a great one for teaching people about going down on women. He Comes Next is the companion to that. I haven’t read it yet but I imagine it’s filled with similar, useful information.

I usually advise against using pornography as a study tool, but in some cases it can be helpful. If you have zero idea on how to get started, watching a lot of amateur pornography can be helpful. It will show you how people position themselves, how long a blow job might last for, and how to actually move your mouth up and down. Remember that much of pornography is not representative of what actually goes on in the bedroom, and it should not necessarily be used as a guide on what to do. Proceed with caution and curiosity.

Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit to the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog. 

Question: Lollipop Sidekicks

Question: Do all guys like you to play with their balls while you’re giving oral? My ex loved it, but sometimes their reaction leads me to believe I’m wasting my time. Same with putting the balls in my mouth. Is it fair to say that “most” guys like this?


If I had to guess, I would say there is a pretty wide range between men who enjoy their balls being played with and men who don’t.

Some men have bad experiences with ball-fondling and are hesitant to try it again. They’re sensitive down there, do you blame ’em? Some men are ticklish or find the actual stimulation itself not super arousing. Different strokes for different folks. Some men find the balls to be a super-sensitive erogenous zone, and get a lot of sexual stimulation from having them touched.

What is his reaction? He could be wary of you heading down there if he’s not used to a woman doing that to him. Maybe he’s not sure what you’re doing!

Is he not making any reaction at all? Maybe he is all worked up in a fuss because it feels so good! Not everyone reacts to pleasure in the same way.

The best thing to do would be to ask him straight out. Hey, do you like your balls being played with, I never asked! 

While some might consider ball groping to be a standard act, I’d put it on my yellow list. Things that are probably safe, but wouldn’t hurt from a “do you mind?” prior to engaging.

I’m never sure which way my readership will be biased, but I’ve thrown up a new poll on my sidebar. I’ve worded it towards the testicular-ly inclined but answer for your partner if you so desire.


Yes – love it! 68% 

Never tried it 29%

It’s okay! 23%

No – not for me! 0% 

Have a question about sex or sexuality? Got curiosities about your gender or someone else’s gender thats making you scratch your head? Want third-party relationship advise? Looking to explore non-monogamy? Submit your questions at the top of the page to ask advice and ill answer them on my blog.

Five Tips (for getting blowjobs)

1. Make Some Noise

It can be hard to know if your partner is enjoying what you’re doing if you may no signs or signals. Communicating through soft breaths, slow moans, or vocalizing “oh god, that feels good” can signal to your partner that whatever they’re doing is working for you. Not only does it mix up the silence a bit, but it also can help improve the sex you have together. If your partner knows that one move elicits that kind of moan, they’re more likely to do it again.

2. Don’t Thrust

If your partner is going at it, avoid thrusting deeper into their mouth. Some people work more shallow blowjobs, but others will go deep, or “deep throat.” An unexpected thrust can send the gag reflex into overdrive.

3. Avoid Aggressive Maneuvers

It can be hard to know what to do with your hands when your partner is going down on you. Some people put their hands to their sides, or on their chest. Others may prefer holding their partners head. Be careful to not aggressively hold your partners head, or pull their hair, unless they have communicated that they are comfortable with that.

4. Keep it Clean

Shower before sex, or make sure things are clean prior to having a partner over. Sweat can accumulate over the day, making genitals (penises or vaginas of any kind) a little less pleasant to lick up on. Showering and taking care of hygiene is going to make the oral experience more pleasurable for your partner, which will ultimately make the experience more pleasurable for the both of you.

5. Tell Them When

There can be some confusion about how to tell your partner you’re getting close. I’m a fan of the straight forward method. Discuss feelings on swallowing prior to giving a blowjob! That way you don’t have to worry about making the wrong move in the heat of the moment. Many people like saying “I’m going to come” which signals to their partner “keep going, or stop and tell me where to come.” The problem with this (even if it works most of the time) is that not everyone will pull out in time, hear you in time, or understand exactly what you’re saying. It also puts some pressure in the moment to make a snap decision, when they may not have had time to think about it beforehand.

A clearer way to say it might be “do you want to swallow?” or “where do you want me to come?” which might sound strange in text, but if said in a confident and clear voice can send just the right signal.

Jalapeño Lovin’

If I eat jalapenos and then engage in oral sex with my partner feel the burn?

I spent the last ten minutes answering this thinking you were asking “Will my semen be spicy?*” but now that I’ve re-read it a few times I think you’re actually asking if it would have a similar effect to using a sensation (like warming) lube.

Honestly, I don’t know. If I were to guess I would say the burning sensation would be more alike setting ones genitals on fire than a nice tingle. If your partner is a masochist, proceed carefully to test the waters.** If not, start with a small amount of warming lubrication and see how that works for you.

* Only if you eat cock sauce.

** I would really not recommend. Ow.

Someone take my blogging privileges away tonight. I’m not making any sense.

Oral Sex Toys

What is a good, inexpensive sex toy to use when giving a guy oral?

I’m not sure exactly what you mean. Do you mean a toy for you to use on yourself, for a toy to use on him while you’re going down on him? It’s not often I hear of people using toys with oral sex on men, that’s why I ask.

There are three that come to mind:

1. Cock ring

An inexpensive rubber cock ring (Like this one, for $2.49) can help in keeping him stiff and provide a more intense orgasm.

2. Bullet Vibe

A small bullet shaped vibrator (like this) can be held against your cheek or his shaft while performing oral – though many men find the vibration much much too intense to be pleasurable – ask your man first.

3. Anal play

Pick up a small prostate toy or some (anal beads) to use. Double the stimulation, double the fun?

Going Soft

Sometimes my boyfriends cock goes a little soft in the middle of a blow job, why is this and what can I do to make sure he stays really hard?

It happens. The cock isn’t always in mega-erection-vein-popping mode. Even when you’ve having sex there can be some variability in stiffness. When you’re fooling around though it can be helpful to communicate with your partner to make sure that you’re both doing something that the other person likes. In this case you may have been making your partner feel good, but perhaps the softness was a sign that it was time to switch up your technique. Some respond well to a constant technique, others prefer a mix up to keep things constantly changing. A constantly changing technique (ex: sometimes using your hand, sometimes not, a bit of suction v. no suction, fast v. slow, etc) can help keep things sensitive. A constant technique (doing the same motion over and over) is preferable for others who like to feel it build up in that way.

Changing your technique might help if your partner likes variety in their blow job. And, honestly, I would say that most do. Asking will help. What do you like? What don’t you like? Can you tell me when you want me to change it up?

Blood flow to the genitalia is what makes the penis erect. Sometimes using your hand to make a ring around the base of the penis can help keep things stiffer. You can also use a cock ring for this purpose.

Good luck!

condoms and oral

Should I use a condom when giving my boyfriend oral?

You should use a condom while giving your boyfriend oral if:

1. It makes you feel better, safer, more comfortable, etcetera

2. You want to continue to give him oral until he ejaculates but do not want to swallow or taste semen

3. You want to further protect/prevent STDs

If your partner has been tested clean, you feel comfortable with direct skin/skin contact, and you want to swallow or plan on stopping before ejaculation, you can choose to give oral sex without a condom. It’s really about what you and your partner are most comfortable with.

Many people don’t even know that you can use condoms while giving oral sex, as condoms are often seen as a penetration tool. There are tons of awesome safer sex things out there that aren’t heavily advertised. Like flavored condoms! Some are better than others, but if you’re warming up to the idea of performing or don’t like the taste, these can really help. There are also “dental dams” which are barriers for men to use when performing oral sex on women. You can also use cling wrap to create this barrier.

There is a flavored condom sampler pack on amazon right now, 48 flavored condoms for $25.47. That would be a great way to try some different brands and flavors to see if there is something that you like. (click here)

You can also buy flavored dental dams on Amazon, 12 for $12.99 (click here)