Class in Session: Oral 101

I have never given a blowjob and to be honest im kinda scared too. My boyfriend asked for one and I told him yes, I want to try giving him one, Im ready and wanting to giving him one. I just don’t know how to give one. I know not to use teeth and use lots spit. I want to give him the best blowjob he has ever had. How should I start? Should he be laying down, sitting up, standing? If he thrust his penis in my mouth will I throw up or gag?

I find the very best way to learn anything is to expose yourself to it and to practice, practice, practice. All penises (and those people attached to them) are different. This means they have different preferences. Some like really gentle, some like a more aggressive touch. Some are circumcised and some are uncircumcised. Some like lots of deep throating, some prefer slow, some prefer fast. There are different techniques you can learn – a mashup of using your hands, your mouth, your tongue, your throat.

Just like penetrative sex, start with the basics, and don’t worry about going crazy right at the start. Build from the basics based on what works well, and what your partner seems to like. I believe that you should move progressively through things, gaining more experience, and expanding your sexual portfolio as you go. 

Your first blow job will not be your best blow job because you haven’t had practice. Also, you haven’t had the time to learn what your partner likes. That’s okay. It can still be damn good if you follow a few basic tips. It seems like you know a few of them already.

1. Don’t be too aggressive

Obviously, this includes not using teeth. But it also includes things like handling your partner aggressively. Until you find out what sort of stimulation he likes, stick to light-medium stimulation. Have him communicate what feels best. You can try to grab a little tighter with your hand or create a little more suction with your mouth and see how he responds. Make these changes incrementally. Don’t go from zero to a hundred.

2. Stick to the Stick

Until you know where your partner likes to be stimulated, avoid anal play or toying with their balls. You can be adventurous and lightly try either but don’t be shocked if your partner moves you away or asks you to stop. Not all men like this, or expect it.

3. Keep your mouth moist

If you have issues with keeping your mouth wet, make sure to stay well hydrated throughout the day. If you find that your mouth is getting dry, stop for a moment and get some more saliva going, and then resume. It’s also smart to keep spicy or minty foods out of your mouth prior to going down on your partner.

If you want to get a head start, read some books on oral sex. She Comes First is a great one for teaching people about going down on women. He Comes Next is the companion to that. I haven’t read it yet but I imagine it’s filled with similar, useful information.

I usually advise against using pornography as a study tool, but in some cases it can be helpful. If you have zero idea on how to get started, watching a lot of amateur pornography can be helpful. It will show you how people position themselves, how long a blow job might last for, and how to actually move your mouth up and down. Remember that much of pornography is not representative of what actually goes on in the bedroom, and it should not necessarily be used as a guide on what to do. Proceed with caution and curiosity.

Do you have a question about sex or love? Submit to the top by hitting ask advice and I’ll answer it on my blog. 

Question: Lollipop Sidekicks

Question: Do all guys like you to play with their balls while you’re giving oral? My ex loved it, but sometimes their reaction leads me to believe I’m wasting my time. Same with putting the balls in my mouth. Is it fair to say that “most” guys like this?

Answer:

If I had to guess, I would say there is a pretty wide range between men who enjoy their balls being played with and men who don’t.

Some men have bad experiences with ball-fondling and are hesitant to try it again. They’re sensitive down there, do you blame ’em? Some men are ticklish or find the actual stimulation itself not super arousing. Different strokes for different folks. Some men find the balls to be a super-sensitive erogenous zone, and get a lot of sexual stimulation from having them touched.

What is his reaction? He could be wary of you heading down there if he’s not used to a woman doing that to him. Maybe he’s not sure what you’re doing!

Is he not making any reaction at all? Maybe he is all worked up in a fuss because it feels so good! Not everyone reacts to pleasure in the same way.

The best thing to do would be to ask him straight out. Hey, do you like your balls being played with, I never asked! 

While some might consider ball groping to be a standard act, I’d put it on my yellow list. Things that are probably safe, but wouldn’t hurt from a “do you mind?” prior to engaging.

I’m never sure which way my readership will be biased, but I’ve thrown up a new poll on my sidebar. I’ve worded it towards the testicular-ly inclined but answer for your partner if you so desire.

Results:

Yes – love it! 68% 

Never tried it 29%

It’s okay! 23%

No – not for me! 0% 

Have a question about sex or sexuality? Got curiosities about your gender or someone else’s gender thats making you scratch your head? Want third-party relationship advise? Looking to explore non-monogamy? Submit your questions at the top of the page to ask advice and ill answer them on my blog.