Tag Archives: lubrication

When he goes too long

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I’m actually pretty lucky in the sense that my boyfriend lasts longer than the average man. My problem is I seem to have trouble lasting as long as he does. I get all super dry and then its physically painful for me to continue. I know my bc method probably doesn’t help so can you make any recommendations on what to do besides switching to a non hormonal bc method?

All bodies have their own ups and downs, things you gotta learn to swing with. The benefit of losing wetness is that you can always add more. I would recommend finding a lubricant that you really like and keeping it by your bed (or futon, or couch, or shower, and so forth.) But sometimes it’s not just about lubrication, right? It’s about hitting that point where you’re done and he just hasn’t finished yet. So there are a few other options.

1. Try not to come as quickly 

If the issue is that you’re coming quickly and are trying to continue to help him get off, try extending your own orgasm. When you feel yourself getting close, back off a bit. Some women can continue to have sex over, and over, and over again after each orgasm. Others find that things get a little too sensitive to continue, and painful if they try. Delaying orgasm and even attempting for simultaneous orgasm can be a fun game to play in the spirit of pleasure.

2. Work on getting yourself back in the zone

If you’re having sex and you’re getting off but then you start to get out of the mood (and your partner is still going at it) try to get yourself back in the zone. Ask him to do something for you, finger yourself, pull out a toy, get that lube, turn on some music, dim the lights. Arousal isn’t all physical – what the body produces – it’s also mental. Getting yourself back into that mental state or helping yourself stay in that mental state can help keep your libido going.

3. Take a break and switch it up

There isn’t any sex manual that says you have to keep going until you’re both done. If you’re tired, take a break. Sit back and watch him masturbate, let him go down on you, go down on him, switch positions, change rooms, get a snack, take a shower. You can do anything you want. What’s going to make it work for you?

4. Help or watch him finish 

If you’re done (whether or not you’ve had an orgasm) but he isn’t – you can help him finish. A blowjob or a handjob, some teasing, some dirty talk, or even just watching him while he finishes himself off. It can be a fun way to end a session and allow everyone to feel like they were satisfied.

Have a sex question? Want relationship advice? Hit “ask” at the top and I’ll answer it on my blog.

Sex is Messy

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After I have sex with my boyfriend all of his cum runs out. What should I do about this?

I love questions like these, did anyone ever imagine that sex would be so messy? People deal with the back flow of semen in different ways. Some just lay in bed post-orgasm and the cum runs back out onto the bed. You’ll probably be changing your sheets pretty regularly if this is the case. Some have time to get up and go to the bathroom before the cum runs out – there they can wipe it up with toilet paper, or just sit on the toilet. Some throw on a pair of underwear and deal with it later. Some keep tissues or wipes by the bed and immediately clean up. Some cup a hand under their vagina and run to the bathroom to wash up.

And, of course, you can use a condom.

What is your favorite kind of lubrication?

Right now it is Liquid Silk. It is a creamy water based lubricant that actually looks a bit like cum in texture. It is non-irritating, not very sticky, and does the job.

Have a question? Hit “Ask” at the top of the page to submit. 

anal lube

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Can I use pjur basic silicone personal glide for anal? I was hoping to get a multi purpose lube, just wanna make sure this one was ok.


That should be fine. As a silicone lube it’s going to last longer which can be beneficial for anal sex, but it can also be harder to wash off which can be a pain for anal sex. Pjur is a good brand, though, and I would imagine you wouldn’t experience anything too irritating with it. Give it a shot and see.

Remember that you should not use silicone lubes paired with silicone based sex toys.

Water based lubes are what you most commonly find in stores (astroglide, KY) and they’re one of the more popular strings of lubes because they are condom compatible and wash off easily. The biggest downside IMO is that you tend to need to reapply them often and they can be runny or sticky.

Oil based lubes aren’t really recommended as much anymore because they do break down latex. If you’re going to use an oil based product I’d recommend you stick to using it as a massage oil only.

Happy buttfucking.

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Maximus Pleasure

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I am beyond excited to get home after the holidays are over because I will have one more present waiting for me when I get through the door. One of my readers picked me up a bottle of Maximus lube from my Eden Fantasys wishlist and I have never tried it before. Listed as being similar to Liquid Silk in it’s lotiony texture it seems to be like non-sticky good-for-your-skin lube.

From the site: Another magnificent lube from the makes of Liquid Silk, Maximus is a non-stringy water based lube designed specifically for heavier application needs (like Anal sex). It has the consistency of a lotion and will last a long time due to the high glycol content (which helps retain any natural moisture). This luxurious lube won’t get tacky or sticky when it dries out, instead it will just disappear. Maximus, like Liquid Silk, is Bio-Static also, which means it will prevent the spreading of Bacteria, Fungi spores & Yeast infections. This also makes it ideal for anal sex, or any other kinky recreational activity you may have planned

I’m a huge fan of Liquid Silk so I am going to use the crap out of this lube and then come back and review it for you.

Have you used Maximus? What is your favorite lube?

on being tight

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In the left image female genitalia are in norm...

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve had a lot of questions this week from women who are worried about the tightness of their vagina. Some women are complaining that they are too tight for their boyfriend and others are complaining that they are worried they aren’t tight enough. Wherever these ideas came from, they show a lack of true understanding about the female anatomy. Not to the fault of the women asking the questions, but to the fault of sexual education as a whole. These things were never really clearly described in my courses, even in college. Very little of sexual education is based on pleasure and how to get pleasure from sex much to the detriment of our enjoyment.

So, here is the run down. It is basically impossible for your vagina to be too tight or too loose, in the way that people think of these things. When you are not aroused the vagina is collapsed on itself and you are not actively producing lubrication. As you start to become aroused, lubrication starts to come out of the walls in your vagina and your vagina expands and lengths. When you insert something into your vagina (whether it be a finger, a toy, or a penis) it accommodates what has been inserted. You can make yourself tighter by using your kegel muscles to clench down on what has been inserted and the more you exercise these muscles the more control you will have over them.

You might feel too tight if your partner tries to penetrate you before you’ve become properly aroused. It may be difficult or impossible for him to penetrate you if you aren’t expanding or if there is no lubrication to slide in. It can be harmful to try to force penetration before you’ve become aroused and if you push too hard the penis can actually cause irritation or tears in the vagina.

The idea that a virgin is tighter than someone who has sex a lot is an incredibly sex negative idea and is spread over and over again when we don’t teach the proper anatomy and physiology. I like to say that someone who has sex more often might be more likely to be “tighter” because they will have greater control over their kegel muscles giving them the ability to grasp more strongly.

Anyways, take pride in your body and learn how it works. There are all sorts of switches we can turn on and off and we can use them to our advantage. Practice your kegel exercises and never feel ashamed to add bottled lubrication or more foreplay to your fun.