Ben Wa Balls: Home Run

I just bought ‘Icicles’ hand blown glass Ben wa balls by Pipedream in size small (1″). I put them in, but I don’t think I can feel them and they’re sitting up there pretty comfortably with no effort. Am I going to get anything out of this? :( I’ve never had kids so the lady at the shop said I should buy small ones, and these were the smallest they had. I bought them because during a recent cold I kept leaking a little when I’d cough hard, and it’s been happening a little during certain exercises, too. Plus I heard it can’t hurt my sex life. Any advice? Do I need smaller/heavier balls? Are they safe to have in during penetrative sex? Are there any concerns about them messing up condoms? Mine are smooth glass so I feel like there’s no danger of damaging a condom but I figured I’d ask.

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong. I think that ben wa balls are something that just take a bit of practice. It’s normal that you wouldn’t feel them inside of you. It’s a little bit like putting in a tampon in that respect. When they are comfortably inside of you, you might be able to jostle them around a bit, but it’s not a persistent “I have something inside of me” sensation. The vaginal canal likely adjusted to accommodate them, just as it would for a finger, or a penis, or a dildo.

I would keep practicing with those in and if you find you want something a little more substantial, give that a shot as well. The glass balls are excellent – the ones I have are by Doc Johnson and are a bit bigger than that. LELO Luna Beads also come highly recommended.

I would not personally use ben wa balls during penetrative sex. Why? Because they take up space. Inserting anything in after them won’t be able to go as far. You also risk jamming the balls up against your cervix, which most people find uncomfortable or painful. I don’t see any risks necessarily, and I can’t see how they would affect the life of the condom. If you’re going to use the ben wa balls during sex I would advise using them as foreplay, or in conjunction with oral sex or anal sex. Otherwise I’d just use them as a solo activity when you’re running errands or sitting at home in front of the computer and then take them out prior to penetration.

Yoni Eggs VS. Ben Wa Balls

What do you know about Yoni eggs? Are there certain types of stone/crystal, specifically, that are safe to use in that manner? I keep wanting to try Ben wa balls, but now these eggs just seem more enticing. But I’d love input.

From what I understand the difference is mostly in how or why the eggs are used. It feels to me that Yoni Eggs (yoni – Sanskrit word for vagina) are used more spiritually or sensually to connect yourself to your body. Ben wa balls are often marketed more towards strengthening the kegel muscles or for sexual pleasure. Ultimately there isn’t any difference. You put them in your vagina and you hold onto them with your muscles. The difference comes in how you feel about what you’re doing. Are you inserting the ball/egg into yourself to feel a connection, to feel sensual, is this a spiritual experience for you? Do you find the importance of different stones meaningful? Are you looking for something to get yourself off? Do you just want tighter muscles?

It’s entirely a personal choice and there really isn’t a wrong way to go.

If anyone reading isn’t familiar with the balls (or eggs) here’s a quick run down. You can search my blog for older posts written on the subject if you’re still interested for more information. To insert the balls lay down on your back and get them slightly wet with saliva or some kind of lubrication. Relax and slowly insert each ball one by one into your vagina. Press it back with the tip of your finger until you feel it slide back and then flex your kegel muscles around them. If you aren’t familiar with kegel exercises, the next time you go pee, stop mid-pee. The muscles that you used to stop peeing are your kegels. Flexing these muscles (particularly around something like a ball or egg) can strengthen them. Many people do kegel exercises to strengthen these muscles to help with arousal or sexual satisfaction. Knowing how to work your kegel exercises can help you achieve more powerful orgasms and can give you greater control over your orgasms. (Men can do kegel exercises as well for the same reasons, and many do, particularly to gain control over their erections.)

To remove the balls from your vagina, get on your knees and insert a finger or two into yourself. Flex your kegel muscles. Imagine them pressing down, pushing the balls out. It may take some practice to do this, but don’t worry, the balls can’t escape you and with patience they will come out. When you’ve worked the ball downward, use your finger to gently help it out. Trying to grab on to the ball may press it in deeper.

Here are some great options for balls and eggs:


Stone Egg $33.00


Rose Quartz Egg $26.00


LELO Luna Beads $47.00


Maia Silicone Balls $20.00


Ben Wa Balls Falling Out?


Hi, I’ve recently purchased a set of Ben Wa balls. I’ve started with the two least weighted balls hower I can’t seem to keep them in for more than a couple of hours. I put them in after I shower, I go about my day, and within a few hours I feel pressure as if they are coming out. I can pull them back in but only far enough to make it to the nearest restroom to push them back in. Am I doing something wrong? I am 32, I didn’t have any of my children vaginally, and I normally do kegals without the balls. I thought the balls would add rresistance to my workout, I’ve been using them for about two weeks.

A couple of hours seems like a good achievement to me! I’m not sure exactly what is happening, but I wouldn’t assume that you’re doing anything wrong. I would first try a different set of balls. I really like the Doc Johnson glass balls. They are a bit bigger, which might make them easier to grab onto. I’ve seen some pretty small weighted balls and they look like a challenge.

I would also make sure you’re laying down when you push the balls in. Slick them up with spit or a bit of lube and slowly slide them in as deep as is comfortable. If you’re just tucking them into your vagina while standing up, they’re going to be much more likely to fall back out again.

Remember that you might want to take them out when going to the bathroom throughout the day. When you pee you’ll be flexing your kegel muscles, and they’re likely to pop right out of you.

If all else fails, give your muscles a break. After a few hours pull them out and then put them back in a little later and go at it again. No shame in that.

Ben Wa Massage

Can you use Ben Wa balls for other sex activity, like rubbings them on your partner with massage oil?

Absolutely! Ben Wa balls are traditionally made to insert into the vagina to strengthen the Kegel muscles. They come in all shapes and sizes, and are made out of all kinds of different materials. My favorite (and only) Ben Wa balls are a set of Doc Johnson glass balls. These would be great for massage because they heat up well and retain heat. They also aren’t attached by any strings so they would roll well, and glide easily around the body. I’m feeling quite jealous now that I hadn’t thought of this before, it seems like it could be pretty intimate.

Aside from massage oil, I would recommend “Nuru” which is sort of a thicker, stringier massage oil that is used for fully body massages. You can buy a bottle of it and heat it up mixed with water and cover the both of you in it if you’re looking to immerse yourself a little further into the experience. It’s very messy so make sure to use it with lots of towels under you, rubber sheets, on an air bed…

Happy sexing!


Ben Wa Balls

I’ve had a lot of searches lately from people looking up more information on Ben Wa Balls and how to use them, so here’s a little writeup.

Ben Wa balls are inserted into the vagina to exercise the kegel muscles. These muscles are great for all sorts of reasons, but at the top of my list are: 1. Intensifying Orgasms 2. Delaying Orgasms 3. Creating a Stronger Vagina.

1. Intensifying Orgasms

You’re just about to come. You’re on the verge. You can feel it building. And you start to flex your kegels. Doing so can help build up your orgasm just a little deeper. Think of it like pinching your nose when you’re about to sneeze but the sneeze keeps building up and then your sneeze is harder and more satisfying. It’s kind of like what. You can also play with flexing your kegels during your orgasm to help draw the orgasm out just a little longer, or even work yourself into a second round of contractions.

2. Delaying Orgasms

If you hold tightly as you are about to come and then back off (stop stimulating) this can help prevent an oncoming orgasm. It’s a little confusing to say it can both help you achieve an orgasm and delay an orgasm, so you’ll have to experiment with it a little bit to get a good feel of what’s what.

3. Creating a Stronger Vagina

This point references how fun it is to clamp down on a (male) partner when they are inside of you. Some women enjoy playing with their kegels during sex. One example would be having your partner penetrate you, not thrusting, and then just flexing your kegel muscles around them.

Here are some direct questions from searches:

1. Can you use ben wa balls during sex?

Yes you can, but you cannot use ben wa balls during penetrative sex. Ben wa balls make great foreplay because they can help get the vagina worked up/aroused/wet. They’re in there doing the job while you’re doing other things. But because you have something inside of you, a penis wont fit. You can tease yourself with just the tip, but trying to insert any more of the penis than that will likely be painful (depending on how big the balls are, and how many you have inside of you.)

2. How far should I put ben wa balls in?

You can’t lose ben wa balls – so don’t worry too much about that. When you put them in they may sit just at the opening or they may sink back into your vagina. It’s likely that you may have to work a little to get them out, unless you’re using ben wa balls with a string attached.

3. Can I leave them inside me all day?

I have heard of women leaving them in all day. I would recommend leaving them in for a few hours at a time and then taking them out. You should also be careful when going to the bathroom. Try going to the bathroom without any balls in you and then hold mid-pee. The muscles you use to stop urinating are your kegels. You’ll notice you use them a lot when going pee, and doing so could possibly flex the balls right out of you.

4. How do you get ben wa balls in?

Get the ball slightly wet – either with lube, or saliva. Then lay down and insert them in one by one.

5. How do you get ben wa balls out?

This is where being calm and patient can really help. Get on your knees in a crouching position and reach your hand under you. Stick your index finger and thumb (or any two fingers you can grab with) slightly inside your vagina until you can feel one of the balls. Then start working your kegel muscles to press the ball towards you. Don’t try to grab it, just keep pressing it closer to you. When it’s close enough that you can wrap your fingers around it, grab it out. You can also keep pressing until the ball is almost to the entrance of the vagina and then pop it out. If you have two balls in, the second ball will be deeper. Sometimes it can take longer and be more difficult to get this one out. Just keep flexing the muscles, make sure you’re in a good position for it to want to come out, and assist if you can by spreading the vaginal canal apart slightly with the fingers that are inside you.

6. How can I feel more with my ben wa balls?

You can get heavier or weighted ben wa balls. You can also get ben wa balls with a string attached and just use them when you’re at home.

7. Can I have an orgasm with ben wa balls?

Yep! You sure can. Some people enjoy the feeling of the balls in. Some double that fun sensation with other stimulation. Masturbation, oral sex, fingering…

8. What size ben wa balls should I start with?

My favorite ben wa balls are the glass doc johnson ones. I like wearing mine out of the house, so I’ve never used balls that are attached or balls with a big string. Go with what makes you most comfortable – you can always try something else at a later date!


In the past week I’ve gotten at least three more messages asking for various posts about Fifty Shades of Grey. All of these questions have shared a similar sentiment. “I want to try these things with my boyfriend, but I don’t want him to have to read the book.” I wrote a couple posts about fifty shades here and here and have even linked to some posts I’ve liked about the book (like this one) but demand is high.

What exactly is demand high for? A feeling. A very specific feeling. That dirty, kinky, high intensity arousal sort of feeling. This is my own personal opinion, as having read the books, and experienced somewhat similar activities as is in those books. Women are reading this books and want those feelings. So let’s start with that. What are the feelings?

Submission and Domination

I am by no means the most qualified person to talk about submission and domination. While I would consider myself more sub and less dom, and I’m not in the lifestyle like a lot of the people I know. I don’t call anyone “Master” nor do I wear a collar. But I don’t think that it’s particularly what the people who read these books are looking for, either. They are looking for a submissive feeling. The feeling you get when you look up at someone and you realize that they’re going to make you feel really good, on their terms. To look at someone as though they are full of confidence and knowledge and experience. This bottle of things is potent, and can be arousing for women interested in this fantasy. Not everyone is naturally dominating, and so the most difficult part of this fantasy can be getting your partner to put on the face of dominance. For them to be able to know what to say and to know what to do and when to do it. I would suggest it’s unlikely that women who have these fantasies are naturally dominating women, so it’s likely that they already in some ways know how to be submissive. This is probably going to be easier – but if not, there are… accessories for that.

How do you bring it up?

Just be honest. Tell it like it is.

  • “I have this fantasy of you tying me up and doing whatever you want to me.”
  • “I have this fantasy of you talking dirty to me, and teaching me new things.”
  • “I have this fantasy of you being dominating for an evening and using toys on me.”
  • “I read this book and in this one scene this happens, I would love to try this particular scene with you.”
  • “I would love it if you would call me these names, it would really turn me on.”
  • “I was reading this book and the girl got spanked a lot, would you try spanking me sometime?”
  • “Have you ever wanted to dominate me? Could we try it sometime?”

If your partner really doesn’t know what being dominating is, or maybe doesn’t come with the personality traits that really arouse you from a sub/dom play, work on getting more involved with it. Watching pornography together that details scenes that you’re interested in can be a great way to start. I’m a big fan of Tristan Taormino’s “Rough Sex” videos. I don’t watch much mainstream porn but I do know that if you go to a website like ‘’ you can type in the sorts of things you’re looking for and find a lot of great videos. Even feature length ones. It’s free, and searching for porn together can be a fun foreplay activity. It can even help get you in the right mindset for that certain type of sex.

Toys are also important.

Toys are featured fairly heavily in the book. I would recommend picking up a set of ben wa balls, a small whip, handcuffs, spreader bars, a few dildos, anal beads, a small butt plug, maybe an under the bed set of restraints, and potentially a blindfold. You can find all of these things on – they even have a link on the front page near the middle that you can click to see fifty shades related toys.

In my experience the few key factors are:

1. Mood

You are the submissive, they are the dominant. Is that clear?

2. Language

Dirty talk is a big part of it for me. This could start with “I’m going to lick your clit now” and it could work it’s way up to name calling. It can also be “Yes Sir” or “Yes Master.” It’s also in the way he talks to you. Does he talk like he knows he’s in control? Is the tone of his voice slow and meaningful or is it fast and disjointed and confused? “So um, can you… can you like lay back so I can cuff you now I think?” VS “Lay back and close your eyes now.”

3. Waiting

I’m a big fan of edging (surprise!) and putting off the orgasm and putting off the fun was a theme in the book. Sending texts throughout the day, images, emails, putting on something sexy under your work clothes, touching and teasing while you’re out at dinner, wearing ben wa balls in public, and finally drawing out the actual orgasm when you’re having sex. All of these things can work into the power dynamic.

4. Followthrough

And, of course, actually hitting the sex. The orgasm. The two of you fucking and playing together with the mutual goal. Him being dominant, you being submissive. As with anything else it’s important to know that the role you take on in the bedroom has nothing to say of the role you take on outside of the bedroom. It’s also important to make sure that you have a safeword so you can stop the play at any moment that you feel uncomfortable.

If there is something very specific in the book that you’re interested in, highlight it, and show it to your partner. This will prevent them from having to read the entire book, and will give them a more clear idea of exactly what it was that got you hot. Hopefully your partner/s are clever people and can draw from that some ideas of their own. Hopefully they are interested in trying new things with you. Hopefully you can be comfortable enough to share your fantasies with them. Good luck.

“Tight” Vs. “Loose”

Is there really such a thing as a “loose pu$$y”? Can a woman really get stretched out down there?

Vaginas look and feel different – but they are not drastically different from one another. You will not have a “loose pussy” if you have a lot of sex, nor will you get stretched out if you have several partners. This is a form of sex shaming to prevent women from enjoying their sexuality. Think of the vagina like a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it is going to get. Some vaginas are stronger than others. Women who work their kegel muscles regularly can gain greater control over them by strengthening their muscles. Doing so can make the vagina feel tighter as it clamps down around a penis. A vagina can also feel tighter or shorter/smaller if a woman is not quite as aroused or not yet aroused. With arousal the vagina will expand and get temporarily larger for the duration of sex/arousal. With arousal also comes vaginal lubrication. Different women produce different levels of lubrication. If a woman produces a lot of lubrication she may provide a more slippery penetration which may feel less “tight” than a vagina that is not properly lubricated. In this case, the tightness may actually be uncomfortable for the woman, and potentially the man as well. This is why it is so important to incorporate foreplay into sex so the vagina can properly lengthen/expand and lubricate to make sex more enjoyable.

If you would like to make your muscles stronger, work on your kegel exercises. You can get ben wa balls to insert into your vagina – you can exercise at work or school, throughout the day.

If you produce a lot of lubrication and find that you are too slick and are missing some desired sensation, find positions that shorten the vaginal canal or tighten it by pressing legs together, bending over, or experimenting with other positions during sex until you find one that produces the sensations you’re looking for.

If you do not produce a lot of lubrication or if you find it takes a long time to warm up and you are too tight/small for penetration, extend foreplay. Using additional lube as well and/or sex toys prior to having sex with a partner can help the process along. Oral sex and fingering can also be useful.