Your sexual engine & jump starting intimacy

After being ill for more than a month, and having barely any energy to brush my teeth, let alone have intimacy with my partner, I am feeling better. However, there is now an awkwardness when trying to initiate. How can I jump-start our sexual relationship and reconnect with him and the (rather fantastic) sexual relationship we once shared?

This is completely normal. It can take a minute to find your jive again after hitting a slow patch. There are a few different ways you could do this depending on your personality and style as partners.

1. The slow warmup

Start including more forms of intimacy in your day to day interactions. Regard these intimacies as little indicators that you’re feeling back to yourself and are ready to pick up where you left off. Wear a sexy piece of lingerie. Get dressed slowly in front of your partner in the morning – or get undressed slowly at night. Wrap your arms around your partner and hold them a little longer than usual while you kiss them. Crawl into bed naked and tell them that you’re happy to be feeling back to yourself.

2. The tease up

Let your partner know you’re ready to go roll with more blatantly obvious signs. Text them mid-day and let them know what you want to do to them. Crawl into bed and tell them what you’re going to do to them. Come on to them with kisses and touches at the end of the day. Wear an outfit that makes you feel sexy and talk about how you’re so excited to _____ with them now that you’ve made it through together.

3. The dive right in

Sometimes the best thing to do is just dive right back in. Let the awkwardness be present like a third party and then squish that awkwardness between your naked bodies. You might fumble a bit getting going, but if you dive right in, you’ll quickly find the motion again. The hard part here is making sure that you don’t let that awkwardness be a stop sign. The awkwardness might tell you “this feels weird, I guess we should stop.” Instead, turn that awkwardness into an occasion to laugh at yourselves and enjoy one another.

Remember (!!!)

Putting pressure on getting back right to where you were all at once can have the reverse effect. It can make it harder to stay aroused! It can make it harder to get aroused! It can take you out of the moment and put the focus on having crazy intense super sexy sex instead of just having an intimate moment together. So even if you do go more of an “option three” and dive right in, expect things to wiggle around a bit as you find yourselves again. It may take a very short while, it may take a little longer, but if you’re both in the spirit of connecting and enjoying each other, I’m certain you’ll find that place together again.

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