Welcome to penis concerns, that concerns you. Wild applause. Cheering. Looks of disappointment. I wanted to write a blog about what is being toted as the number one fear men have in the sack. There you are, weeks of buildup, you’re finally going to get laid, oh god, they’re so hot, and your penis is flaccid. Floppy. Deflated. And then you get angry because fuck do you want to fuck. You’re all there except for your supposed wingman who is taking a snooze, not paying attention, something other than not pointing high and mighty.

First and foremost, a message for the ladies. A flaccid penis is somewhat comparable to not being able to get wet, your vagina not wanting to expand. Your mind is all there, but your body just isn’t. It’s a deep enraging frustration, but particularly so for men. So much is put on the ability to have, maintain, and work with an erection. Not to mention, sex is often equated to penetration, and you cannot penetrate with a flaccid penis. You can, albeit uncomfortably, have sex with an unaroused vagina. I wouldn’t recommend it, but there it is.

So I share my sympathies, penii folk. It can’t be an ounce of fun to be in the heat of the moment and then… nothing.

This is just another reason why we need to start looking at sex as more than just penetration. More than just how hard you get, how fast you get there, and how long you can delay the inevitable. Not only because it makes sex so much better to expand your perception of sex, but it seriously takes a lot of the stress and anxiety off of erections which can help improve erections. It’s a messed up world.

First things first: If you can help it, go into sex as an experience. Don’t give your sad face if your partner isn’t hard right away, or at all. Don’t assume that you’re doing something wrong and put the blame on yourself. Sometimes our bits and pieces just don’t work the way that we want them to. Don’t make a big deal out of it, it will make it worse. Just enjoy each other and do what you can without an erect penis.

Kissing, touching, teasing, dirty talk. Roll around on each other, hold one another down. Do what feels natural and have fun with it.

If you cant get hard, do what you can to make your partner enjoy themselves. Go down on them, finger them, use toys on them, watch pornography together or read erotica, just talk to one another and let some of the anxiety or stress ooze off or let some of the mood kick in. If you can’t get hard, use it as an excuse to get your partner off. Make the experience one hundred percent about them.  I’ll whisper this as to not plant the seed too hard, but you might just get hard, getting them off. Don’t tell your penis you’re tricking it, or it might catch on.

Bottom line: If you can’t enjoy yourself without a hard cock, you’re missing a lot of the other really great parts about sex. You’re also putting too much pressure on something that pressure makes worse. Enjoy your sexuality, try not to let the flaccid penis get to you too badly, and then take full advantage when things come back full swing.