In my last post I wrote about some things you should consider before having sex. I included things like knowing your body, understanding/acquiring birth control, getting tested, and figuring out if you even want to have sex. If you missed the post, it’s anchored over at the right. You can also click here!
As a continuation to that I wanted to write about some things to know as you’re actually getting ready to have intercourse for the first time. Things to consider, how to prepare, what to expect, and what to do afterwards.
Once you know that you’re ready to have sex and you’re prepared to have sex, it can be a bit of a stressor. The stress of knowing you might have sex sometime soon might make the actually having sex more difficult, if your body isn’t in the right state to get aroused. That’s why I think it’s a great idea to not plan a moment in which you’ll have sex for the first time, if you can help it. Some people who still live at home or have roommates might have a harder time with this, and might need to plan in order to find a moment alone.
As an example, I think it would be more natural and less stressful to let the sex happen progressively, within your natural swing of things. You’re making out, you’re having oral sex or mutual masturbation, and then you decide you want to have intercourse. This is in place of “wanna have sex now?” The awkward fumbling of half-erection and spread legs. Find a nice comfortable place where you don’t feel like you have to have sex right then, but the option is there if you chose it.
Okay, does it hurt?
Let’s just get into the real thick of what people want to know. Does sex hurt the first time? There are a lot of factors that go into answer this question, though it is mainly directed towards women who are about to have penetrative intercourse. Why?
The hymen – If you still have your hymen you may experience some pain as something passes through it. This is where the term “popping your cherry” comes from. It can be painful, and you may experience some bleeding. Many people stretch their hymen before having sex, and this may not be an issue. Some people may have their hymen but might not experience any pain or bleeding at all. If you want to know if your hymen is still intact, look at images of different types of hymens as you look at yourself with a mirror. Some people choose to break through the hymen prior to intercourse in an attempt to make intercourse easier the first time.
Arousal – As I hinted at earlier, your body needs to be able to become aroused in order to have sex. The more nervous or stressed you are, the more difficult this may become. For the ladies, the vagina will expand and lubricate, making penetration much easier. And for men, of course, the penis will become erect, a necessity in being able to penetrate. If the vagina does not become aroused, you may be stretching things out with penetration before they are ready, and you may experience a “rubbed raw” feeling from things being too dry. Some people do get wetter than others, and added lubrication is always a bonus. Keep a bottle of lubrication with you to help things go along more smoothly.
Technique – Lastly, being too rough or going too quickly can also cause some pain. This is where communication really comes in. Make sure you’re constantly telling your partner what you want and what you don’t want. Things like “Oh, wow, that was really good” or “Can you slow down a little bit?” are both good examples. It’s good to start communicating early on so you and your partner can start learning what one another likes from the very start. This is how good sex is born, and though you will develop generalized skills, the skills you have with each partner are based entirely on determining what that one specific individual gets off on.
Give yourself time
It’s not uncommon for men to ejaculate quickly the first time that they have sex. It’s pretty exciting, and sometimes the stimulation can be too much. If you do ejaculate quickly, don’t be too bummed out. Try putting aside extra time that day so you can have more than one opportunity to fool around. Don’t feel pressured to make everything go “perfectly” the first time – take each experience for what it is, and grow from it. As quickly as men may orgasms from intercourse, women may not orgasm at all. Many women go years without having their first orgasm from penetrative sex. Women have many more buttons to push, and it can be more difficult to stimulate those buttons than it can be to stimulate men.
As mentioned in my previous post, knowing your anatomy will help you here. As you get comfortable with your positioning, don’t be afraid to add some manual stimulation in there as well. You can both stimulate each other, or yourselves, while you’re having intercourse.
Many people find that missionary (guy on top) or cowgirl (girl on top) are the easiest positions for the first couple of times. It’s the most straight-forward, and most people know how to climb on top of one another. If the female counterpart in this equation is particularly nervous, being on top might give her more control over how quickly things go, alleviating some of the stress. I find that the angle that comes with missionary (spare variations in penis size and shape) tends to be particularly comfortable. You can also experiment with other positions by moving your limbs around or putting pillows under you, or even flipping over. Keep working at it until you find something that is comfortable.
Remember: Lube, Condoms, Communication, Patience, Practice.
- Sex is messy, don’t be afraid to mess up the sheets.
- Use the bathroom before sex if possible.
- Don’t be afraid to hit pause and take a bathroom break during sex.
- Or any other kind of break during sex.
- Keeping tissues or wet wipes around can be useful in cleaning up the mess.
- If possible, use the bathroom after sex (particularly the ladies) for preventing UTIs.
If there is anything I missed or any other basic questions you have, let me know and I will add them!