Is it normal to not want to be told, straight up, that someone loves you? When someone I date tells me they love me, or are too straightforward in showing they care, its the biggest turnoff for me. I also dont like telling people i love them, even if he says something to provoke me and kind of trap me into showing i care. Is this normal? My best friend thinks its really unhealthy and wrong but i don’t know how to have a serious conversation with him to be honest, how to begin one at least. One time he told me that he needs me and i said something like, “there are other girls” and he was like “I don’t want them i only want you, you understand me”. Anyway i did something terrible and laughed and i think i really hurt his feelings. Any advice?
Maybe you’re not in a place where you’re ready or willing to be in a committed relationship. I can’t say something isn’t “normal” but it does sound like you’re having some problems with emotional attachment. If you’re interested in psychology I would read up more on fearful/avoidant attachment styles. It sounds like you are uncomfortable letting yourself get close to other people, maybe because of some kind of fear that they will leave you or that you will be suffocated in the relationship. (There are a lot of other reasons, but I’m not going to psychotherapize you here.) I would also guess that you laughing was a defense mechanism in the face of someone honestly and intimately admitting to you that you were important and worth being loved/committed to. Ever smile when you get bad news? Giggle when something horrible happens? It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you’re dealing in your own way.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with not being ready to commit to someone, but I do think that it’s important that you consider your reactions to intimacy if you feel that a functional committed relationship is something you want in the future. Most people do want that – or at the very least, most people want to be able to have intimate friendships with people and to be able to express care for one another. It would be worthwhile to seek out a counselor to talk to about your inability to express love or to accept love. I agree with your friend – it’s probably unhealthy to find yourself in situations where the people you care about have to trap you into showing you care.