not aroused?
There is a certain frustration that comes with not being aroused. Being a woman, it can sometimes be harder to arouse yourself (or get aroused) than it can be for a man. For instance, simply taking birth control can lower your libido. I guess that’s just another way it helps prevent pregnancy, isn’t it? I am all to aware of how frustrating it can be for men when you’re woman is naked and wet and you’re hard and on top of her and all of a sudden things just don’t happen. Don’t understand? Picture this: You’re just about to have sex, you’re rock hard, and then you put it in her and you go limp. You can’t get hard again. You want to. You really do. But you can’t. It’s that same sort of emotion that goes through the mind of a woman who wants to have sex (she really does) but the time just isn’t right for whatever reason.
22/F asks…
What can I do when my boyfriend wants to have sex with me and I’m just not in the mood?
The first and most obvious answer is don’t have sex. Don’t ever have sex if you don’t want to. A lot of people say that you should bite your tongue and put out to make your relationship exist more smoothly and make your partner happier. The problem with this is that you are lying to your partner when you have sex with them when you don’t want to. You essentially have to pretend to be aroused. Pretending to be aroused is a great lead in to faking an orgasm, and that is absolutely never okay.
So what do you do? You can try to get in the mood. Let him go down on you until you get wet and see if that gets you there. Try to talk dirty and see if that gets you in the mood. Watch porn together and touch yourself like you would if you were alone. If you’re feeling really giving- you can get him off by hand or tell him to jerk off in front of you. There are plenty of ways to get around not be aroused. Just- don’t feel bad about it! We can’t all be aroused 24/7 or at exactly the right time. Life just isn’t like that. If things don’t work out the way you want them to find some sort of in-between. A compromise. Life is all about compromise, and I assure you that there is always time for more sex.
Have a sex question? Want some advice? Email me at suggestivetongue@gmail.com
A better answer: expand your definition of sex. If you’re not horny and well-lubricated (and so intercourse is a Bad Idea), you could tie him down to the bed (the “Under The Bed” system is great) and do a hand-job on him until he’s begging for mercy. Or give him a blowjob. Or any of the good suggestions in http://www.amazon.com/Lube-Jobs-Womans-Guide-Maintenance/dp/1585425613
Not everything has to be penis-in-vagina.
Disclaimer: Don’t get me wrong, I love penis-in-vagina too
RE: Literalman
The only problem I have (personally) with that is that giving a handjob when I’m not turned on is way less interesting/exciting when I’m aroused. Same for them. If they see I’m not into it? Not as much fun, no matter how good. Hopefully it would fall into the category of once you get started you get into it, though. And in situations like that, it USUALLY ends up happening.