The most recent poll on my blog was sort of a steering question to see where everyone was when it came to simultaneous orgasms.
Of the results, 55% said it was pretty infrequent or only every now and then, and 18% had never simultaneously orgasmed. This is compared to the 12% that said they always or frequently orgasm at the same time. Granted, only 33 people chose to vote in the time window I had left open, so its by no means a super representative poll.
Simultaneous orgasms are when you and your partner orgasm at the same time. This sort of orgasm is often romanticized in pornography or romantic comedies as being the epitome of sexual intercourse.
In reality-land, it can be quite difficult to orgasm at the same time. You can kind of see this in the poll results. It’s just not something that happens all the time. Those who struggle with orgasms may be focused more on orgasming at all or simply finding pleasure in sex. Some people simply don’t care when or how their partner orgasms as long as everyone is enjoying themselves. In point, there’s no right or wrong way to do it as long as it works.
Orgasming together, while not always possible, can be a fun thing to explore with your partner. It can add heightened intensity to your orgasm when you are sharing it with your partner.
Tips for simultaneous orgasms:
1. Work on becoming similarly aroused. Your state of arousal is tied to how likely you are to orgasm. If one partner is much more aroused than the other partner, it will likely be easier for them to reach their orgasm. Figure out what you and your partner are most aroused by (that thing that makes you go crazy!) and make sure you’re both including those things in foreplay. For some people its touches. For others its a mood – like feeling dominated. For others dirty talk does the trick. What gets you going?
2. Know how to recognize where you’re at in your own arousal and learn how to judge where your partner is at. This balance can be the trickiest part to simultaneous orgasms. If you notice your partner is really in the moment and making sounds or movements that are typical of being close to an orgasm, this would be a good time for you to take into consideration where you’re at. If you’re not at the same level of arousal as they are and you’re ready to have an orgasm, do something to push yourself closer. That could mean stimulating yourself, thinking of a particularly sexy fantasy, or rubbing against your partner with more excitement, to give a few examples.
3. If you notice your partner is closer than you are (or if you are closer than your partner) you can take steps to slow down the process. I do not like to advocate killing the mood as a form of cool down. I would not recommend the use an of the following to prolong your orgasm: numbing lubricants, mental images of your grandmother, or a recall to the chores you have to do later that day. Stay in the sexy but nudge off a bit. If you feel like the stimulation is going to bump one of you over the edge too soon, stop what you’re doing, and play with your partner in a different way. This diversion can hold off the orgasm and allow you to get back on a level playing field.
4. Communicate verbally what isn’t read through body language. You might be able to tell how close your partner is, but having them tell you makes a big difference. If they say “I’m going to come if you keep doing that” you’re giving them an active choice to continue or stop to catch up. Sometimes body language isn’t read correctly. Sometimes we get lost in the moment and go with what we feel instead of trying to achieve that moment together. If you’re looking to have that moment together it’s important to know how to check in.
5. Consider the stop and go of reaching a simultaneous orgasm a fun way to extend your play with one another. You can work towards nudging your partner up (and vice versa) until you’re both ready to explode. What is so great about this is that it puts the role of the orgasm heavily on both of your plates, as it should be. It becomes your partners role to take care of you, just as much as it becomes your role to focus on yourself and your pleasure. Working as a team is really the only way to have a team orgasm.