post secret of the week

March 7, 2010 by suggestivetongue

Things that have made me laugh during sex:

1. Queefing

There is no denying it, queefing is awkward. It’s not only awkward, it’s hilarious. For those of you who aren’t in the know, a queef is essentially a vagina fart. Too much air gets pushed into the vagina and when it comes out it makes a fart-like sound. Queefing is especially common with girl on top when air gets pressed in. You might be queefing for a while, after that. What men don’t know (and never will) is that queefing not only sounds strange but feels very strange as well. This is just another reason why it will (almost certainly) send me into a fit of giggles.

2. Disney movies

Have you ever had sex while watching a Disney movie, or a movie of equally strange background noise? If you have, you understand why this one is also giggle worthy. The next time you’re in the sheets and Simba starts singing I just can’t wait to be king all of a sudden nothing in that movie will ever be sacred every again.

3. Falling off the bed

So you’re thrusting, thrusting, thrusting, and all of a sudden you’ve done a backflip off the bed and you’re laying halfway in the bathroom butt naked covered in jizz. These things happen.

4. The blood rushing to my head

Along the same lines, if you’re being pushed off the bed and your head flops over all the blood goes to your head. The giggling resulted from this might not be of your choice.

5. Cum in strange places

How did cum get behind my ears? I don’t know, but it’s hilarious.

6. Breaking expensive things

In the midst of a large deep thrust my brand new macbook slid off the bed onto the hardwood floor and dented, making the battery fall all the way out. It kept playing music so we kept going, giggling about how much trouble we’d just caused with our fucking. That’s life, isn’t it? What’s done is done. Laugh and keep fucking.

7. Slippage

Off a cock, over boobs into chin, into asshole… it’s only not funny when it’s surprise buttsex.

8. Awkward sex positions

I’ve tried plenty.

9. Waterfall/Cumfall

Waterfall: When you are having sex in the tub or a hot tub and you stand up afterwards and all the water falls out of your vagina.

Cumfall: After you have sex and all of the cum runs down your legs as you try to escape to the bathroom.

10. Ticklish butt

Don’t judge me.

What makes you laugh during sex?

What is the best advice you’ve received?

March 7, 2010 by suggestivetongue

Treat each breakup like the death of a close loved one, because that is what it is.

Your brain goes through the same processes in a break-up as it does with death. You have to learn how to live without someone who was very close to you, and perhaps someone you even depended on daily if your relationship was very serious. Read books on grief and apply them the best you can to the feelings you’re having. You can try to follow the basic five stages of grief if that helps.

Denial:
We’ll be together again, I know we will. We’re meant for each other.

Anger:
I can’t believe they’re doing this to me. Why are they being so cruel?

Bargaining:
I will be such a better girlfriend if they just give me one more chance, just one more chance. I’ll do anything for another chance.

Depression:
I am never going to find someone else like them. They were the perfect boyfriend. Who else is going to do the things they did for me?

Acceptance:
You know, I’m doing okay. Things weren’t as great as I thought they were. I know that I can find better. I know that I will find better. I love them, I really do, but I don’t know if I can be in love with them anymore.

With acceptance remember that a break up is a good thing, not a bad thing. It didn’t work for a reason, whether that reason was yours or his. That means that you were in a relationship that wasn’t working, even if you were in love. A relationship with only love is not a relationship you want to be in because it will make you unhappy. Or obsessed.

erotic update

March 6, 2010 by suggestivetongue

CLICK HERE for my erotic photos update

take yourself on a date

March 1, 2010 by suggestivetongue

I once read in a magazine that you should occasionally treat yourself to a date. While the magazine had many good ideas I thought that I might expand on it and bring in some of my own ideas. Let me know what you think.

The magazine said that you should dim the lights, get in bed, and tease yourself to a great orgasm. Basically, be your own fuck buddy. You are in control of your orgasm and you can have whatever you want, enjoy it. Me? I didn’t think that sounded like a good enough idea. It was too simple. Isn’t that just code for “masturbate, and make it good”? I think we all do that often enough, let’s get creative.

Last night I though I would expand on this idea. I had no plans of writing about it (and really only made this connection today) but I think some of you might benefit from trying it as well.

One, draw yourself a bath

If you don’t have a bath, continue reading but know I won’t be making any alterations for you. What I did was entirely in the bathtub and unless you have a giant rubber tub big enough to comfortable relax in you’re out of luck.

Two, make sure the bath is bordering on too hot. I like to get into the tub as it’s filling up with water so my body can adjust to the hot temperature. I have especially cold feet so getting into a hot tub all at once is too much for me. Filling it up around you let’s you better gauge the right temperature. Add bubble bath if you like, but I think it fogs the visuals.

Three, bring a toy.

The toy I used was a clear rubber dildo (veins and balls included) with a suction cup on the bottom. The suction cup would come in handy later on. It is preferable to use a toy that doesn’t have batteries if you’re going to be in the tub unless it is waterproof. Check, first!

Four, water proof lube.

When I started using the toy I wanted to see how it would work with no lube. While I knew that it was iffy I thought it would be fun anyways. No surprise- it doesn’t work. If you’re already aroused you’ll get the toy in okay but because the water washes away all your natural lubrication you’ll be sliding the toy against a raw pussy. Get some wet platinum or comparable waterproof lubricant and put that on the toy before you use it.

Five, water in the vagina isn’t fun.

It isn’t. I suggest scooting yourself up out of the water and putting the toy in and then getting back in the water. Feel free to thrust in and out once the toy is in you, but know if you take it all the way out and put it back in again you’ll get more water in the vagina. I find it pretty uncomfortable. You’ll get some regardless (those who haven’t played in the tub) but whatever you can do to slim that down is good.

So you’re in the tub and you’ve got your toy- so get to. Tease yourself, close your eyes, fantasize… go at your own pace. There is no one there that you’ve got to help reach an orgasm but yourself. Once you start to get close, stop and just lay back in the warmth of the tub. Go again, and stop again. Do this until you you find yourself too close.

At this point I sat up a bit and suctioned the toy to the bottom of the tub. This is *especially* awesome because it’s like you’re fucking someone in the tub- assuming your tub is large enough to do this. Go up and down a bit and enjoy, cum if you want to. It’s all up to you.

Once you cum fill the tub back up with warm water (it’s probably cooled off a bit by now) and relax. If you’ve got any energy left in you shave your legs, pussy, under your arms, wherever else… some exfoliating is always nice too. Hey, if you’re going all out to make yourself feel good you might as well go mini spa while you’re at it!

One thing that I found funny was that the water stayed warmer while I was masturbating than it normally does when I’m taking a bath. Body heat, much?

*Optional*

  • Using the faucet to cum. Scoot down so your clit is under the faucet and turn on the water. Make sure the water is a good temperature first! Direct the water onto your clit and cum (fast.)
  • Use a vibrator. While I think it’s more fun to use a toy and keep it inside you while you play with your clit some people prefer the battery powered vibration. If you like that, make sure it’s waterproof.
  • Go for DP. Double penetration. Bring anal beads or a butt plug with you. Being relaxed and aroused with no interruptions is a good time to experiment.
  • Fantasize. Really. Get dirty about it. You’re in the tub, you can get clean afterwards!

post secret of the week

February 28, 2010 by suggestivetongue

During my freshman year of college I took a pilates course. If you’ve ever taken a pilates course (or a yoga course, or something else similar) than you know that a large majority of the positions used in class are positions you can use or have used during sex. I found myself often unable to focus during these classes because it would either be arousing or a huge turn off. You also run the risk of exercise kegels (which piss me off- to be frank) in some of the positions. The benefit of taking these classes, besides the obvious flexibility, is being able to explore new sex positions. While one like in the picture might not be the most comfortable, being flexible allows you to lift your legs up higher, bend them further, and keep yourself situated as such for a longer amount of time.

I highly recommend taking a class like this to improve your flexibility, or working on it on your own at home in your spare time. Even if you’re not having sex it can improve your circulation and your posture and make you feel… good.

Do you find that your flexibility makes your sex life easier? Harder? Have you tried any especially bendy positions, and did you enjoy them?